I’ve become the target of another narcissistic bully.

 Here we go again. 

Slightly different but eerily the same. 

Looking to find a way to get my head above the water, put things into perspective, and gain my power back. Gotta move forward somehow but I need added strength.

My family is just a few people I used to care about, love even, and I’ll need to let them go. In some ways, it’s a huge relief. Finally to cut ties with people who are assholes, difficult, and not worth my time is freeing. Then there are the family members who are too hard to connect with... my two nephews. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I can hear my Al-Anon sponsor say, don't give up. Just keep doing the next right thing.... remembering a woman who had to pay her dad back $1000's and as she sent the check each month, she wrote him a letter. Finally, out of the blue, far from having her debt paid, her father said that her debt was paid and she could stop sending the checks, but not to stop the monthly letters. To me, this is the epitome of recovery, those notes. And that gives me the courage to continue to send tokens of love (happy birthdays, well-wishes, etc) as we move forward. Whether my nephews (in particular) respond or not is not my business. What IS my business: showing up.

I’m sick to my stomach. Anxiety. Not fun. Moving forward. Expect the worst. Let’s not put on rose-colored glasses anymore. Let’s not expect my brother to be supportive. Let’s not expect him to read every email. Let’s not ask too much of him, in fact, let’s not ask anything of him. Which means I’m in a pickle.