My Childhood Home — Up for Sale

I always wondered if I could make my childhood home more modern; if I could make it a home that looked really good and inviting. 

I did just that.

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I’m feeling depressed for the last day or so. I’m exhausted too. I spent a lot of time and energy getting my dad’s house ready to show. 

I’m fighting with the real estate agent. 

My family doesn’t respect me the way I need to be respected.

My friends have stepped up and they all fill in the gaps. 

I’ve lost the fear of standing up for myself and what I want. Maybe anger fuels that courage.

God has sent me angels and it freaks me out that He knows exactly what I need, and He gives me the strength to do the hard stuff. 

I’ve been a terrible mother the last three days. Angry, crabby, self-centered (to a degree), and closed off. My son has come to me with needs and I cannot fulfill them. I have nothing left to give him and need to have him just leave me be for a bit. I feel some guilt but can’t change my behavior. And that’s why I am a terrible mom. 

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I want to call my family and show them, “Look what I did!!! Look at all that I am doing! Stop calling me incompetent! Stop saying I'm not doing anything! I’ve picked up your shit for days. You left me with so much to do. The house was filthy. Needs work. You did nothing. You rushed this sale and I can't get it all done in time. You mother-fucking ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Yep. That is exactly what I was to say. Complete RAGE.

Just FUCK OFF.

You would NOT believe the shit the Tornado has said to me. Complete and utter abuse. Total narcissist. Unforgivable things. (Oh, put your differences aside and get to work.) (Yeah, not while you’re there bitch.) I hate her and then I don’t. I feel sorry for her. But the love I felt for her is all gone. I’m slowly removing evidence of her from my life. 

Just wait. 

My family will see changes. Big changes. Big giant boundaries. Just wait.