I Have These Recurring Dreams
Every few months I have the same kind of dream. I meet a guy. He’s great. He’s financially secure. He loves me, and I mean really really loves me. And I love him too. And all of the sudden, everything is OK. All the worry. All the stress. All the fighting and struggling to do this alone. All the work. All the fear. All the energy spent on making ends meet and going it alone and being tough and being strong and being upbeat and and and …
All that pressure …
Just like that.
And suddenly I can breathe. My shoulders can relax. I am seen. I am heard. I am understood. I am loved. I am no longer alone. I can relax.
It feels great.
Last night’s dream was especially unique because I married a prince. And suddenly I was whisked away to another country. And I could have anything I wanted. ANYTHING.
And we were watching a beauty pageant in an auditorium. People would stop and ask for his autograph and he kindly and patiently signed each once. Sometimes, although rarely, I’d be asked too. I thought of the people I’d read about and watched on TV. And now my life was like that too.
And dinners... fancy dinners. And clothes.
And the first night after our wedding we slept on the beach. Under a bridge. Near these old cars. And my two cats were there, Marlo and Frankie. And in the morning they were gone and I was heartbroken, calling for them.
Yes, it was completely strange.
Dreams aside, the recurrence of a dream where finally everything is OK and I can relax… this is so telling bc I realize how much weight I carried on my shoulders. Alone. And maybe God didn't give me a husband to travel through life with, but He gave me incredible friends who support me and love me just as I am, where I am, and they give me just enough of what I need to keep me motivated and feeling like I am a good person. Assurance, I guess. Support. Love. Kindness. Empathy. And for that, I am so grateful.
Those are the people I will always be grateful for and those are the folks I will keep in my life. And those are the people that God will continue to send my way.
Until my Prince comes along. ;)