This Sick Feeling in My Stomach
I cannot figure out why I have such major anxiety about moving. Is it because I do not have enough help to get our lives moved and settled? I have tapped into a few friendships and kinships who have graciously offered their time (and muscles). Would I have some of this too if I were moving to a shiny new home? I suppose. Mostly what has upset me is the move downward, to a less-nice place. I still struggle with this. Friends who have seen the new place feel it’s a nice place, and it is in some ways. I will almost always be a guest there as the downstairs folks have taken over the house, yard and other shared spaces, so much so that they have also invaded our space too. I won’t stand for that. In my storage area yesterday I found light bulbs for a fluorescent light fixture. I looked around to locate the actual fixture. It’s in the downstairs unit's basement. So, we placed them carefully to their side. A few other things in my storage area: curtains. Not mine. I assumed it would be theirs and dropped them off on their side. Blinds. Theirs? There's also a bookshelf filled with glass objects on our side too. I’m too busy moving right now and have too much to carry over from my place to theirs, so I'll deal with that later.
Then there's the kitchen and general / overall condition of the apartment. It’s obvious the owner doesn't care about the place. Doors are dirty and paint is chipped. The kitchen counter needs caulking. The faucet is not attached. Light switches do not work. The plastic on the cabinets is peeling off at a rapid rate. It looks horrible and no where near the quality of my current place.
I'm sick about the rug and the move. I've been told to do a walkthrough condition report. I shall make a detailed report.
I also got so angry with Oliver that I lost my temper in a horrible way. He was playing video games and time was limited and we missed out on the opportunity to accomplish a few things. My son is not doing so well when it comes to packing. He wants to still be a young kid when right now I've asked him to step it up -- that I need him to work hard for two weeks. That it’s on me and only me to do this and it’s very hard on me. That being FORCED out of my home is an incredibly difficult thing for me. It’s triggering and reminding me of being forced out of my Newhall home. I have never felt so alone.
And one more time I'm faced with how much "stuff" we have, which is entirely too much.
Sigh... I have to pack. Two friends are coming today and I'm just not quite ready.