The Pain in My Heart Over Moving
So, really. What's the big deal? Why does it hurt so much to move? Why is my heart breaking? I really can't figure it out.
Some say it’s because I love my home too much because I've stayed here too long. Some think it’s because it’s the place where I move after divorce AND that HORRIFIC gut-wrench, soul-destroying break-up. Some say it’s because I’m attached, in a bad way.
But here's the thing. If I were moving in to my dream home, I would not be grieving, sad, heart-broken, angry or depressed.
So why? Why does this ache so badly?
If I were moving into a better place in life, like the house, this would be a completely different move.
1. Loss of Power & Control
I am moving not by choice but because I am forced to. This was not my decision.
2. Moving into worse circumstances
I am losing my garage, my porches and yard, my fireplace, my air conditioning, my granite counter tops, my 2-door fridge, my beautiful hardwood floors, my pedestal sink.
What this amounts to for me is this:
- Angry that I'm forced out.
- Depressed that I am losing so much of what I have worked hard to obtain.
- Angry, depressed, self-hatred because I am trying to provide for Oliver something even better, and instead I'm providing less.
- Fear that it will be miserable
- Fear that I will hate it every single day of our life there and become very depressed
- Fear that my car will get broken in to
- Fear that it will be too hot
- Fear that I will be greatly missing the patio
- Fear that I will not have a yard
- Fear that I have too much stuff and where to store it
- Fear that I am stuck in lease and cannot house shop
- Angry that this is costing me money that I would not have to spend if I could just stay here until I buy a house.