Do You Have Time to Read This?

We've been so busy that not only do I not have the time or desire to write, I don't even have the time to read the blogs I normally do.

I will be moving this blog eventually. I've outgrown this platform and even tho it seems I have no time and little to share, I know this blog needs to move to a WP platform.

I am in such joy lately as I have been rewarded with my life back, almost completely free from the struggles that have tormented me in the past. It's a wonderful feeling. I feel secure in God's love for me, more secure in my 12-step program, more confident in who I am. I give thanks to God for all of that because it truly is a miracle. It's been a while since I felt joy. Pure, authentic joy, free from worry, free from those who think less of me, swaying and swimming in the love for those who believe in me and want me in their lives. What a switch.

One of the best gifts I have been given: the unconditional love and gooey enjoyment of my son. I'm loving being a mother again. I mean completely back to where I once was.

I can revel in Oliver's playful engagement and wonder of life. I can focus on his 7-year-old-ness. His little self acting so large and tall. I see him sleeping at night and just cannot belief this little human once fit in my tummy (altho by the looks of my tummy now, it's not a far stretch!).   :)

He's still my little Peanut tho... tugging on my shirt constantly. Momma. Momma. Momma! We have a TON of fun together!

And when he goes to his father's I miss him so. There is a nice peace in the home that I can revel in. But he's missing. His 4' presence is large and it's noticeable when he's gone.

It's really wonderful to have those maternal feelings back, completely and fully.

I found these wonderful blank books at Target the other day. I often leave notes on Oliver's desk at school, so I decided I would leave notes in this blank book when he goes to his dad's. Like a collection.

Just simple little notes.

He comes home and can't wait to read them. It's been super fun!

I love this painting and I wish I knew who painted it. I would buy it! It looks just like me. This is how I have been feeling the past 5 years. And still some days I do feel like this. But not so much anymore.

My relationship with God is the other significant change in my life. He is such a huge source of comfort and hope for me. I am trusting that He exists, that He has plans for me. Every reading, whether a daily reader, a Bible verse or even a silly simple fortune in a Chinese cookie tells me to "wait".  So I am. I am focusing on my life, my son, what I need to do. I pray often. I study. I read scripture. I read books. I'm just not going to worry anymore about the sick man I dated who horrifically discarded me almost one full year ago (this Saturday will mark 1 year), and even Matt I no longer am worrying about. I give up. I let go. I deserve way better than what Matt or Bill gave me. (Can I hear a hooray or a You Go Girl?!!!) This has been a long time coming.

I realize now that not everyone will like me, understand me, see the good in me. I'm learning that I don't NEED your or anyone's acceptance and love. All I need to do is focus on my life. That I am loved by my Creator. That I am to live out this life; I have a purpose. I am not sure what it is. Maybe it's multifold. Maybe I have more than one purpose. Maybe we all have that... we all have many reasons we are here.

My focus is on my relationship with GOD... and my and Oliver’s needs.

I am taking care of ME and admitting that I am not always perfect. If you can't accept that, OH WELL. Move on. And I don't need to hang with people who think I'm trash. I don't need the approval of those who think I'm sick.

I am filled with Joy... I know my worth. I know I am good. I know it, and if you don't see it, that's OK. My son loves me to pieces. I have so many friends I can't get them all to my home or to my cottage or even have time to have coffee and lunch with them.

Speaking of cottage, I started a rock garden!

Small but I plan to add a few more plants this summer and then see how it fares over the winter. If it survives the bitter cold Door County winters, then I shall expand.

Well, I'll leave you with this beautiful photo that represents many of my evenings this summer. We have been away so much, and I truly will not forget this amazing time of my life.

I'm finally free.


  1. This was SO fun to read!!!!!

  2. A little tearful after this update. Lovely to see your journey being fruitful and all the painful reflection bringing you to a place of not just acceptance, but actual joy. What a gift.

    1. Thank you Kelly! It means a lot to hear that! <3

  3. Replies
    1. I love that every time I post, you are near! x o x o

  4. You are BACK! I am so grateful and happy to read this. Not only do you look great but you sound peaceful. God is good. Thank you for the update!

  5. Andrea so very nice to see an update and read that you are doing well. Hooray !!!

  6. Thanks for the updates and to answer your question, yes, I always have time to read "Raising Peanut".

    Your insight, thoughts and experiences have helped me in immensely in my own travails, and for this I thank you.

    1. Hi David, just saw this comment. Glad to hear. :)

  7. Hello Andrea. I just happened to find your blog today, and I wanted to let you know that I enjoyed this peek into your life. It's very inspirational. I don't know you, but I want to congratulate you on what seems like a big step forward in your life. I wish you and your son all the best!

    1. Hi, thanks Sue. I'm glad you posted. I'll be trying to write more eventually. :)

  8. Good to hear. I'm so much worse than ever

    1. Hi Ruth. I'm sorry things are bad. I keep you in my prayers so often my dear.


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