I’m Sad...

Four glorious weeks of joy, hope, faith, wellness, happiness, growth. My journey is not thwarted, but I don't understand the fall. Last Friday, only 4 days ago, I'm started missing "him". I started hurting again, altho no where near as badly as I had been. Just a tiny bit of sadness. Sometimes I realize that is healthy. But these feelings snowballed into more sadness. Still not anything like last year. But, geeze, I thought I really was going to be done with sadness.

I'm trying to figure out what set me back. I am not sure.

A friend sent me this today:

“Once they tire of their new admirer, they will quickly devalue her and pass on to another.”

My fear is that he will not devalue her. And my pain is that he "values" her right now, giving her all that I wanted... All the idealizing that I got. I guess I want to be idealized again. And it will never happen. Why am I waiting for him to devalue her just so that I can feel better? Again I ask: what is wrong with me that I stumble and cannot move on?

Luckily my support group is today. Maybe I will get my head (heart) back on straight. :P


  1. Why do you have the need to be "idealized"? That is a issue you need to figure out.

    1. Idealized is a term used in narcissistic recovery circles. It describes the initial phase of a new narcissistic relationship. Narcs usually pick strong women who have piece of themselves that need healing, as I did when my x-husband left. They find the insecurity in the woman (or man) and hone in on that. They begin to idealize you to get you to become dependent upon them. They use lots of tricks (all found on the internet easily) to begin to brainwash you and get you to become addicted to them. Then they begin to use you for their own selfish needs... it's a tricky situation because it's not overt or blatant. It's so cleverly disguished that it's easy to miss.

      When I started dating Bill I wondered if I was being abused. I went online and looked up abuse traits. It was hard... nearly impossible to find the type of abuse I was given. He wasn't a yeller or rager (in the beginning). He complimented me.

      Why am I feeling the need to be idealized again? Well, after today's support group what I learned is that progress is two steps forward, one back. That's basically it. I just took a step back this weekend and now it's time to get back on my horse. :)

      I'm glad I found this group. It's been helpful.

      Thanks for leaving a comment.


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