I'm Not Longing for a Married Father at the Breakfast Table
Coffee high? Money in the bank? A new (to me) car? An awesome sound system? It's probably the heated seats. That must be it.
I am perking up and life does not seem so bad after all. In fact, I'm not really lonely. I don't want anyone right now.
There have only been a few days of this. Maybe it was the mental break I received by having Oliver stay with his dad for several days. Normally I see him after 2 days. We are not often apart. This time he was gone from the 30th (I think?) through the 7th. I picked him up at school yesterday. Wow, the last time I saw him was on the 30th. Pretty nice break for me, altho in no way do I think that single womanhood (sans child) is what made me happy. I confess tho, it was a nice break.
I am a single mother (AKA I live alone and do not have a partner) and my job is not that hard. However, I do get tired of having to do everything all by myself. I am responsible for all aspects of my life and most aspects of Oliver's life. There is no man to take out the garbage, cut down and rig the Christmas tree properly, no man to shovel the snow or negotiate a good deal on a car. I do all this (and I wield a pretty mean power drill too). Therefor, it's nice when Oliver heads to the other side of town. He probably enjoys the time away from me too. If I didn't get a time out, I would find Alien Isolation Dark Souls Grand Theft Auto Diablo Reaper of Souls XVI a viable alternative. But since I do have at least one eye not sleeping, I curate Oliver's game library. That takes a fair amount of my reserves. When Oliver is with his dad I fuel up so I don't have to remind myself, I not longing for a
I give a ton of credit to moms, not just single moms, but any mother who funnels more than one child out the door in the morning. I only have one but watching him get ready in the morning is like being a spectator at a pin ball tournament. Lots of action and dings going off but there's no forward movement.
Still, there's joy pumped into my veins. I love it. I'm not even worried. About much at all really. I'm still loving where I live (I still knock on my granite counter tops each morning just to be sure I'm not dreaming). I am grateful for my life. I love my one and only kid. And I'm getting a Tiguan SE on Friday. It's freezing cold outside (I can't blink because my eyelashes freeze shut, and when I don't blink my contacts become mini frisbees on my eyeballs), but it's toasty warm in here. Bills are paid. Maybe it's the new car, the high from negotiating a grand deal and having dealers play off each other, or doing the dirty work in 2 hour long therapy sessions each week or taking 16 different kinds of natural supplements (or maybe it's Otto. Remember him?). Or maybe time is passing and I'm showing signs of moving forward. It really doesn't matter because whatever it is, it's paying off.
Today's God Calling reading:
Love Bangs the Door
Life with Me is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties. My guidance is often by shut doors. Love bangs as well as opens.
Joy is the result of faithful trusting acceptance of My Will, when It seems not joyous.
Joy is the daughter of calm.