I'm Not Longing for a Married Father at the Breakfast Table

Coffee high? Money in the bank? A new (to me) car? An awesome sound system? It's probably the heated seats. That must be it.

I am perking up and life does not seem so bad after all. In fact, I'm not really lonely. I don't want anyone right now.

There have only been a few days of this. Maybe it was the mental break I received by having Oliver stay with his dad for several days. Normally I see him after 2 days. We are not often apart. This time he was gone from the 30th (I think?) through the 7th. I picked him up at school yesterday. Wow, the last time I saw him was on the 30th. Pretty nice break for me, altho in no way do I think that single womanhood (sans child) is what made me happy. I confess tho, it was a nice break.

I am a single mother (AKA I live alone and do not have a partner) and my job is not that hard. However, I do get tired of having to do everything all by myself. I am responsible for all aspects of my life and most aspects of Oliver's life. There is no man to take out the garbage, cut down and rig the Christmas tree properly, no man to shovel the snow or negotiate a good deal on a car. I do all this (and I wield a pretty mean power drill too). Therefor, it's nice when Oliver heads to the other side of town. He probably enjoys the time away from me too. If I didn't get a time out, I would find Alien Isolation Dark Souls Grand Theft Auto Diablo Reaper of Souls XVI a viable alternative.  But since I do have at least one eye not sleeping, I curate Oliver's game library. That takes a fair amount of my reserves. When Oliver is with his dad I fuel up so I don't have to remind myself, I not longing for a married father young hunk at the breakfast table. Oh right. Right.

I give a ton of credit to moms, not just single moms, but any mother who funnels more than one child out the door in the morning. I only have one but watching him get ready in the morning is like being a spectator at a pin ball tournament. Lots of action and dings going off but there's no forward movement.

Still, there's joy pumped into my veins. I love it. I'm not even worried. About much at all really. I'm still loving where I live (I still knock on my granite counter tops each morning just to be sure I'm not dreaming). I am grateful for my life. I love my one and only kid. And I'm getting a Tiguan SE on Friday. It's freezing cold outside (I can't blink because my eyelashes freeze shut, and when I don't blink my contacts become mini frisbees on my eyeballs), but it's toasty warm in here. Bills are paid. Maybe it's the new car, the high from negotiating a grand deal and having dealers play off each other, or doing the dirty work in 2 hour long therapy sessions each week or taking 16 different kinds of natural supplements (or maybe it's Otto. Remember him?). Or maybe time is passing and I'm showing signs of moving forward. It really doesn't matter because whatever it is, it's paying off.

#lifeisgood. #whoneedsaman


Today's God Calling reading:

Love Bangs the Door 
Life with Me is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties. My guidance is often by shut doors. Love bangs as well as opens.
Joy is the result of faithful trusting acceptance of My Will, when It seems not joyous. 
Joy is the daughter of calm.


  1. "Coffee high? Money in the bank? A new (to me) car? An awesome sound system? It's probably the heated seats. That must be it."

    You know, one of the most important factors in a person's state of happiness is their Explanatory Style. In other words, how does that person explain the good things and the bad things that happen in their life. Are the explanations personal (it was me vs it was not me)? Are the explanations permanent (this will never change vs everything changes and so will this)? Are the explanations pervasive (this ruins everything vs at least everything else is good)?

    Happy and successful people have a positive explanatory style. When good things or emotions happen they see it as personal (this is good because of me/something I did), permanent (good things always happen to me), and pervasive (this makes everything a little bit better).

    So, in this case, the better way to find meaning for the good feelings you are having is not to pin it on the car, the coffee, the sound system, or even the break from childrearing. The best way to handle this is that you are feeling good because you are healing and are stronger (personal) and to know this means that things will only continue to get better (permanent) and that everything in your life is getting better too.

    By the way, just for future reference, when bad things happen successful and happy people do the complete opposite. The bad thing had NOTHING to do with them, it is only a temporary setback, and it has little to no effect on other aspects of their lives.

    So for example if a garage catches fire the best way to handle it is to blame the fire on someone else (some psycho set fire to my garage because they're a psycho), acknowledge that it's not a permanent problem (I can always replace material things), and keep it in perspective by not allowing it to ruin everything (well the garage burned but everything else is AMAZING so who cares?).

    The trick is, you have to get both right. You need to get the explanatory style down pat for the bad AND the good because acknolwedging and taking credit for good things is a vital key to self-love and in turn, happiness.

    1. I love this. I'm not sure if you're pattin' me on the back or if you are trying to redirect me and help me out. But whichever way, it's good because... hopefully you know I'm tongue in cheek when I say it's the heated seats. (Altho I did work hard for my money and a heated bum is a nice reward).

      I was told that I handled the garage fire very "Zen" ... a term my friend Deb used over and over again to describe how I handled it. All I can say is that after having gone thru such a horrific depression and such a sad loss, and after having such big bouts of anxiety which led to dropping 35 lbs in a month, after having so little control over myself that I could not even parent my child who means the world to me, the freakin fire was a ONE on a scale of 1 - 10. Not only that, but it actually worked in my favor in some ways because I'm going to be driving a nicer car now. As for the things lost in the fire? They were few and far between. It's OK. Santa replaced Oliver's two sleds; I was reimbursed for some of the items in my car, and as for the rest? Meh. No biggie. I have more than I need anyway.

      That's not to say I do not now have renter's insurance. And not to say that I"m not ever so thankful for my car insurance. Had I not had that, I'd be devastated, but I know I'd survive that too.

      Did the psycho start the fire? I don't know. Is he even a psycho? (Well, yes I do believe he is.) It really doesn't matter. I matter. Oliver matters. How we move on matters. I'm not going to let that stop me for growing, healing and taking care of myself. Is life perfect? By no means. But wow, I do have a good life. A REALLY GOOD LIFE.

      xx oo xx oo xx oo

    2. I also meant to clarify that I do think it's healing that is occurring in my life (see, I even tagged my post "healing") and I do think time and work is what is helping me move on. There is a group I joined. There's my dear therapist. God love her. There are my recovery meetings and friends. There's working out. Reading. Working on actual work, and being present for my son. Oh, and supplements and eating right.

      Getting the grey removed helps too. #joking #notreally


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