Post Christmas Chill

Congrats Raising Peanut! This is my 1000th post since inception in 2007. Not all posts were published, some remain as drafts. Thank you to all of you who have joined me throughout these 8 years! Much has happened. I started when I was pregnant with Oliver. I had a baby. Separated. Lost my job. Started a business. Had a war with my X. Found peace with my X. Met his new younger woman while I was wearing a swimsuit. :P Drank wine with his new younger woman. Divorced. Started a new relationship. Ended a significant relationship. Lost my home. Went to court more times than I could count. Had two major depressions. Watched my father go thru open heart surgery. Lost a significant person in our lives to death. Mourned. Rejoiced. Survived. Lived. And more. Such fun stuff, huh? :) 

I hope you all had a nice holiday. I realize that not everyone has wonderful holidays. Mine used to be filled with joy and wonder. The last couple have been difficult, so different from the way my life used to be, before I'd become a bit jaded and life got painful. This Christmas I was with family. It was good for me to be with others and not alone. I watched my son have fun with his older cousins. I realized how much I missed the comfort of my own home, so when I arrived home after the holiday, I enjoyed the silence.

Then my dear friends came by for our yearly, sometimes bi-yearly visit... Deb and Pamela. We do sleepovers now so Pamela doesn't have to drive home at 4 am like she used to. Deb lives around the corner but Pamela is in Ohio and visits her family here just outside of town about 45 minutes away. We gab until the wee hours, which we did this time too... we drink a few bottles of wine but never get completely blitzed because all our drinking is co-mingled with heaps of food and chocolate and is consumed over a 6 to 8 hour period. We use the commute as an excuse to spend even more time together in the morning, hair ragged, eye make up ruminating in places, frogs in our throat... I'm sure you know the drill. It doesn't stop us from telling even more stories or possibly retelling the ones from the night before. We're still 16 at heart but with more wisdom and bedroom experiences. Then there are our children. I suppose it's what makes women women and not girls anymore. Aside from that, we are still girls at heart.

Deb is on the left, Pamela on the right. The second photo is here just to show you that I do not pick my friends based on their fashion styles.

Or maybe I do.

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Christmas was nice. It's still hard but I am beginning to understand why. Most people would not get it, and I don't blame them because I didn't get it either until my eyes and ears began to see what had happened to me in this past relationship. I'm also understanding (and forgiving myself for) why I got involved with someone like Bill in the first place. It makes perfect sense to me now, and I'm trying to give myself a break for falling for him. Luckily Oliver was not hurt too badly by Bill and not subjected to all of the cunning abuse I was. It was so bad that I didn't even know it was abuse at the time. Only by educating myself as to why my head spun so fast, as to why I hurt so badly, why I was left in such pain and depression. It's in explicable in a way, unless someone grabs you gently by the ears and opens your eyes to what you actually went thru. Thank God for a friend of mine who recognized Bill for what he was.

It's been such a life-changing experience that I am most likely going to start a new blog (not a new blog post) to document my journey of recovery. It's too hard to do it here on RP, because the readers of RP may not (or may) have any interest in this aspect of my life, our lives. I don't feel comfortable sharing in detail here. I want to be able to help other women who are going thru the same thing. I'll have a link to my new blog... if I do start one... in case you want to read about it. I prefer my family and friends don't go to it, but I'm not exactly sure why. I think it's easier to be open and honest if I don't feel I have to edit what I say for fear of judgement. I'll make that decision once I begin, which may be shortly.

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It feels so great to be home. I love my bed, our place, our life here. I realize how fortunate I am to be here in this neighborhood. My life is exactly (almost) as I wish it to be. My dream was to be married, and I'm sad that with Bill my life detoured into a bad neighborhood of pain and hurt and deceit, but even after all that, I've survived and, with the help of so many, I placed ourselves into a gorgeous apartment, was able to stay in the same area, lost weight, find emotional and spiritual help, and maintain a somewhat stable life for me and my son.

I hope to post again before the new year, but if I don't let me say that I do believe 2015 to be a year of strength and growth. I will find joy and happiness in most of my days. I know I will. Oliver will become more of a focus for me again, and I'll get myself ready for whatever else life brings my way. I know I wont need a man to complete me, and hopefully if one comes by, I'll be ready for the experience. Obviously I'm not right now. I still miss the asshole. Sad, really, because he has not had so much as a backwards glance at me or Oliver. I hate him too. Both. Looking forward to being rid of his filth in my body and soul.

Thank you for your comfort, support and love during this journey. I also hope you can feel my hope for you all, my gratitude and my love.



  1. Andrea,
    Congratulations on your 100th post, and bravo for your look forward into 2015 as a promise of strength and growth. Also, I approve of those socks in the photo.

    Happy New Year to you!


    1. Thank you Carolyn!! Deb's socks are cool. I'm thinking of having a SOCK party! :)

  2. Wishing you peace and joy in 2015, Andrea.

  3. Wow! I made the blog! I feel like a celebrity!

    So glad you made it through the dark night of 2014 to be here. I cannot wait to see what 2015 will bring. God has great plans for you Andrea!!

    love you.

    1. So much fun we had that night girl! x o x o x o

  4. Awesome photos of us and 'the socks'...I wear them with often to remind me of happy times! Your blog post made me laugh...Thanks for all the fun out on the "town" last night! It was wonderful to welcome the new year together--and Pamela was just a text away! Woohoo!

    1. We had fun that night with Pamela... wish she could have hung with us on NYE. I haven't been out on the town in years. Too bad it was a "fake" town! x o x o


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