Dear Sarah

Two nights ago I had a nice evening with a my friend Angela. We went to the opening of the new Athleta —  one of my very favorite stores! Afterwards we had a glass of wine, apps and girl-chat. We had a blast. She and I have much in common, and we have hardly had a chance to hang in a long time. She helped me move and since then we made it a priority to make time for one another. I love being with her because she is a fashionista; she's beautiful (ex-model) and humble and sweet and kind. A we adore designer clothing and are spasmodic when we find steals on eBay.

We have many many mutual friends. And then... casually she mentioned that my ex-husband (Matt) and his girlfriend were at a party she was at. A party that was hosted by my son's Godmother, one of my closest and dearest friends, Sarah.

I was shocked when I heard that my ex and his girlfriend were at Sarah's party.

Sarah and I go way back, obviously. Our husbands became friends because Sarah and I were so close. In fact, when Sarah went thru her first divorce, she hung out with me and Matt many times. He and I had a date night every Friday, and during this time, Sarah tagged along. Weekly it would be the three of us heading out to dinner, to a movie, to wherever. Once Sarah started dating her soon-to-be husband, we would double date. We spent weekends at our cottage, skied in Vail, and countless evenings in restaurants.

My ex and I attended their wedding. Our son was just a baby when they married.

When my ex-husband walked out, Sarah was crucial to my recovery. She was my support, among other friends as well. She and I talked daily and she kept telling me it would get better, spoken from her experience.

It's been almost 5 years since my ex left, and recently Sarah shared with me that I had no idea how much my divorce affected her. She was so distraught and angry over it. She could hardly talk to my ex, even though they occasionally ran into each other. Her husband and Matt continue to maintain a friendship despite our divorce.

When Angela mentioned the party, it felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I did not make a big deal out of it at the time, and the last thing I wanted to do was put Angela in the middle. I let it go. But that night I had bad dreams about my ex. The next day it started to bother me again. I texted Sarah and asked if we could meet up for coffee. Last night I called a mutual friend to run it past her. My friends are honest and they wont take sides. Then I started crying. I couldn't stop! I was so hurt. Sarah is my friend. She and her husband bought a new beautiful home and I haven't been to her home yet. She knew how hard the marriage break up was for me. How could she invite him and his girlfriend into her home? I felt really hurt!

The suggestion I received was to just tell her that I was hurt. Let her explain her side of it. Understand that her husband and my ex are friends.

I'm glad I'm in a place where I know my ex's girlfriend. I am in a good place with the divorce. Matt and I co-parent the best we can. I have had many conversations with Matt's girlfriend, and I know she is a good person. I have no problem with her; she treats my son very well, and in fact if anything were to happen to me, I know Oliver would be well taken care of by both of them.


I'm off to meet Sarah for coffee now...

I'm not teary-eyed or upset anymore. It helped to chat with a friend last night and let it out. It helps that I know not to attack or act like a high school girl.

Oh life... :) I just don't like how things turn out, and I guess I need to learn to have more acceptance that people will not always do what I want them to do, act the way I want them to act, love me the way I want them to love me. It's a good habit to count my blessings for otherwise I will focus only on the negative and live in resentment, which is not a place I want to be; it's not a place whereby a soul can thrive.


  1. I think you are absolutely handling this right, Andrea. It's not going to be a really easy or fun conversation, but I am saying a prayer right now that she isn't defensive and hears your feelings. She seems like a good friend and I am sure there were circumstances that put her in that spot.

    A good friend hurt my feelings a few years back and I sat on it. It affected our friendship GREATLY, all the while she had no idea why. I finally broke down one day and told her. We cried together a little, and I can't even tell you the weight I felt lifted after I put it out there, heard her thoughts, and moved forward. Very against my natural tendencies to stew silently, though I had done that for a long time.

    Anyway, proud of you and anxious to hear how the chat goes.


Post a Comment

Your comments are helpful! Thanks!