New Home, New Life

We are finally out of the old house completely! The keys were handed over with a big sigh of relief. I'm glad that is behind me.

I'm grateful Oliver is doing a bit better in school. It's taking a lot of work to get him to have a positive attitude. First grade has been a big change for him. His father, the teachers and I have been working with Oliver to help him feel comfortable with this new transition. He is bright and smart. I know he is learning because he is reading BIG words effortlessly. His vocabulary includes words such as: neighborhood, concentrate, sacrificed, penguin, director, carnivorous. He is reading at a second grade level. He is very smart. He's happy when we are at home and is enjoying our new life.

I'm not in the best of places each and every day, but I am moving forward and that's what counts. I still ache in my heart, and I know that will take time. I will write more about that later this week perhaps.

I am rebuilding my life and working out at the gym again, doing all the other things I like to do (including organizing things in our new home!). I feel like me again... not that crazy/depressed woman I was for a month or two. Looking back, you all were right... I had a LOT LOT LOT going on. I'm surprised by how much was going on! I am no longer surprised that so many came to my aide. The old adage "it takes a village" was exactly what I needed.

The obvious person missing was Bill. He had always been my champion and had been my main source of support when I faced challenges; it was not unlike a marriage where your partner becomes your soft place to land. Bill lifted me up, had my back and was always without fail there for me. You can't blame me for noticing his absence, and for the ache I still have for his place in my life. Letting him go was a challenge for me. I know this is something I still I have to work on. I can't tell you how much I miss him, and I struggle to reconcile our years together with the end of the relationship. It seems like two different men.

My efforts to heal my mental and spiritual self are still in effect. I am still determined to face this and learn from this experience. I do not want to repeat this again; I would like to grow and learn from it.

There are few areas in my life that are unresolved. It took years for me to clean up mistakes and misunderstandings with friends and family; a lot of hard work went into that, painfully looking at relationships and my part things. When there was no resolution, I worked on letting go instead of forcing solutions or forcing myself upon those who needed space.

There is no resolution with Bill — I rely on acceptance and am learning to let go. I'm a slow learner. I'm grieving the loss of him and the good stuff we had. I'm trying to let go — a continued challenge. It may be difficult for you understand that, yet it's where I'm at. I'm doing what's healthy and healing: I am looking inward, getting to know me again, staying strong and acting with dignity, taking care of myself and Oliver. I am not crying all the time, but I do when I need to. My heart is still broken.

Our new apartment is really nice. Not cluttered at all. It's light, airy, organized, updated. The layout is identical to our old place but with more closets so things have a home and don't lay around! The kitchen is really pretty! Oliver loves it as do I. We have a real fireplace and already tested it out. We live right across the street from Oliver's best friend and I have been friends with this boy's parents as well. We are pretty close. We carpool to soccer and our boys play often and get along well. I was going to miss my old neighbors, but I see them around school or town often! And I've met 6 or 7 new neighbors already! Many saw me move in and couldn't believe how many friends I have!

New place:

Old place:




Everything seemed to work out in a very expedited fashion. I am stunned at how much was accomplished in two months, how quickly I was able to move (3 weeks). I counted over 120 Man/Woman hours it took (that's what my friends and family for me!!!). That's a full time job in 3 weeks, plus I had 20 or more hours of work each week (with firm deadlines), a debilitating depression, 2 court dates (fortunately I won both!) and an undue amount of stress. I lost my home, my boyfriend, and then found out he had betrayed me. I also was confronted with unexplained anger by him and stonewalling which did not follow suit with how he had treated me even after the first week of break up or even during our dating years. I was on medication that amped my anxiety (luckily I stopped taking it) and was contacting my x-boyfriend in ways that I'd never done. I had little to no sleep each night, panic attacks with racing heartbeat and increased blood pressure every day more than once, major anxiety, and then began taking a medication that made me very sleepy (and went off that after a week or so). I was crying hysterically. Oh my goodness! I could not even trust God, a source of comfort to me in the past. My heart was broken more than ever because I had found out things about Bill that I did not know. My maternal instinct seemed to disappear, something that if you read my blog you will see was really the biggest thing in my life! This was all a new experience for me. I had been depressed before but not like this, and I wondered if I was losing my mind permanently.

That all happened in a 2 month span!

I'm surprised I survived really.

I feel deep gratitude for those who carried me thru this. My readers who checked in here and each person who left a comment helped me in many ways. I can't thank you enough. Friends with their patience and support, family who kept checking in and showing up — my cup overflows. I'm blessed beyond my own understanding.

There are many people helped in various ways: packing, cleaning, running errands, moving and emotional support. I am positive that I am in a better place because of your collaborative effort and love.

We are closing down the cottage this week. I am apprehensive about going — I haven't been up there since my world fell apart, and it all started up in Door County. I continue to need your support and prayers.

Andrea