In One Fell Swoop, We Were Moved

Saturday, 20 or more people descended upon my home. They came in shifts, the first starting at 8 am. Three men and a trailer, plus two girlfriends. Two of the men I had met casually at a picnic; the third a husband of a good friend. He recruited two guys and they were off to the races within minutes of arrival.

By 9:30, the 100 or so boxes were out of my home and into the new one.

The day continued with people just showing up, smiling, laughing, helping. I had bagels and a sandwich platter brought over, an endless supply of coffee and bottled water. People helped for however long they could. Many stayed until the job was done. By the end of the day most everything was in the new place and all the food and water were gone.

Nearly everyone commented that the new place was really nice, that I scored a great apartment. It is pretty, and I'm sure that once I make it my own in some ways, it will be even nicer.

We are still in our old place since our beds are still here. Movers come Monday (today) and bring the larger pieces of furniture and appliances. Tuesday a new range arrives. Eventually I will head to IKEA for a few things, and once I swap out a few light fixtures, lay down area rugs, hang the art work, bake some cookies... it will feel like home. I hope. I even have Halloween decorations close by so that I can help my little guy celebrate and feel excited about his new place.

People who have walked me thru the past month have said I look lighter. I think the worst is behind me. I'm looking forward to getting settled. There is a little apprehension regarding the holidays. I am not looking forward to them this year. I had celebrated them so differently in years past both married and while dating; I'll try not to worry about that today. (It's looming tho.)

Bill's 50th birthday is coming up. I had custom ordered two special gifts for him.; they were both very  meaningful to him and were hand crafted by artisans. They sit here, both items something engraved with his name, useless to anyone else; I'm still contemplating whether or not to send them to him. I will be with girl friends on his birthday at a woman's conference — in a safe place. I'm not a role model for your daughters... I wish I could be the type of woman who never looks back and says I deserve better. Despite his anger, rejection, betrayal, I wish for closure. I know I will never gain his respect, and that makes me sad. I went thru that with Matt for years until I think he finally saw me in a new light. I want to be a confident woman who says, I don't care what you think of me. Your loss. I deserve better. You all tell me that. My friends tell me all the time. I will keep working to be that kind of woman, and I will no longer settle for anyone or anything less.

I deserve more and so does my son. This new apartment will be my clean slate. Like a reader said, a blank document, a new browser window, and from there we get to paint the world we want to have.

(Ha, and it helps that I'm almost 30lbs lighter too!) :) :) :)





Comments

  1. I will be bland with you... When someone leaves you, you let them go. You are not giving a guy, who treated you in the end like dirt, a birthday gift, customized or not. Why not just pack your dignity in a Ziploc bag and hand that to him as well? Andrea, just don't do that kind of stuff, seriously.

    You are on the right path, you have a new place that you will make a home. You might not see it yet but you have shed a ton of package in the last few weeks. A new place ( it is a rental=no worries if something breaks, you just call the landlord and it will get fixed), you are healthy, so is your child, you have tons of friends, come on Andrea, life is not that bad.

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    1. I'm very glad you left a comment, and I'd even ask for you to continue to do so, being as blunt as you were the day you left this.

      I wonder if you missed the part of my post where I said I wish I were different, wired differently. That I'm not one of those women who says she deserves better. I wish I was!

      But the image of putting my dignity in a ziplock was powerful and it did get me thinking.

      Anyway, I think maybe you don't realize what exactly I have gone thru, maybe you do. I am mostly getting better every day, and I do see all the blessing around me. Depression is debilitating and doesn't allow you to think rationally. That I can testify is true for me.

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  2. ....Blunt is what I am with you, not Bland, darn it :)

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  3. Congratulations on the move!!!! Wow it's amazing how people love you and came through for you.

    With that in mind, you are going to get rid of the presents. You can leave them behind in the old house. You can throw them in the trash. You can bury them in the backyard of your old house, giving that relationship its proper funeral. But you are not bringing their shitty energy into your new home. You are not hurting yourself that way.

    Enjoy your new place!! I want to start putting up halloween decorations myself!

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    1. I did not bring it. Also, all his gifts to me are in my car. I haven't brought his energy into this house. However, I did unpack a beautiful mirror he made for me. I haven't hung it yet.

      Can I say it one more time? I wish you lived CLOSER! :)

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    2. Hi Andrea!! I am here in milwaukee until the end of the month let's get tovether contact me at alloverdesign@yahoo.com Cynthia Luna

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  4. Just checking in for a minute and will write more when you've settled in and have cozied things up to feel like home. The move seems to be going smoothly with lots of help from friends and family. You're doing well, Andrea. I can see you slowly progressing. Remember not a straight line - ups & downs. I agree with Anonymous at 8:20am regarding the birthdays gift. He doesn't deserve them. Just Goodwill them or throw them out - it will be a "dignity preserving" action on your part. Rooting for you and know you can do this. I am excited for you as you start this new phase of your life. Your new place really does signify a new beginning of sorts. Blessings to you and Oliver!

    Elle

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    1. I am slowly getting better, more comfortable. I am starting to feel normal. Normal sad, not depressed anxious sad. :) Thanks Elle...

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  5. I'm so glad to know you're in your new space, a new canvas waiting to be painted, and blank Word doc waiting for your story to be written. Golly, I don't think there is any type of woman who never looks back ... just be you. I don't *know* you, but I can tell that you are obviously awesome, loving, and real. Hang in there!

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    1. Cheri, Can't wait to show you my new "painting"....

      Thanks for taking me where I'm at... I'm moving along, every day a little closer to feeling like the ol' me. (the one that was more carefree, optimistic and at peace with daily life)

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