Everything that Drowns Me Makes Me Want to Fly

Things are falling into place, almost as if the Universe has lined up a perfect order to our lives. I could not dream a better dream, altho of course my dreams fall short of what I’ve come to believe is truly in store for me, for us.

I'm keeping a journal of all the miracles, big and small. They line up like an assembly line of little elves loading Santa's sleigh on Christmas eve, each taking a turn tossing awesomeness in our direction, some miracles larger than others, but all building a large mountain of gifts that were unimaginable. I didn't dare to dream what I thought was impossible. I couldn't see the bigger picture, and the bird's eye view of this transition is still obscured by my proximity to the epicenter and by a lack of faith and hope. Really God? You're bigger than I thought, and even more impressive is the suggestion: this stream of gifts may not ever end. (Is it true?) Can these gifts keep coming, like a lottery pay off with a daily allowance of goodies?

While obstacles and challenges still stand in our road, there's a need for strength and courage, both for me and for Oliver. He's a trooper. He's generally happy, altho school has been a challenge for him — reasons still undetermined. I don't need a whole lotta suggestions from readers on that (right now) as I don't have time to go into detail about it, nor time to tell you why we are still in the dark about the origin of his animosity. This weekend I have to clean out our old home, and in spite of all the help I've had, there's much to do. I could just leave it all behind and let the new owners deal with the junk and mess, but that's not me. Besides, the feelings that journey alongside accomplishing closure (at least there is closure to this ending) and a job-well-done earn my self-respect, something that has been lacking in my life for some time.

A friend of mine shared this:

Fear and courage ignite some of the same feelings and physical reactions in the body. The difference is, with courage you move forward. With fear you stay stuck.

My self-diagnosis, then, is that I have been filled with courage.


  1. Morning Andrea:

    Just checking in on you & Oliver to see how you're doing post-moving Hope everyday feels a little bit more like home to both of you and that Oliver slowly settles into school as well. Thinking of you.


    1. Hi, we've been busy and all is well here at the new place. I keep trying to find an inspired moment to post, but haven't done so yet. We are happy here. I'm doing much better too. :) :) Thank you for checking in and your comment has gently reminded me that I really need to check in with my blogsphere friends and give them the update. I will do so soon! :) Thanks Elle!



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