Boxed Up and Almost Ready
There's a large part of my life. All boxed up.
It's not my life; it's stuff.
I saw my new apartment again yesterday, and this time it didn't look as wonderful as I had remembered. I have no problem admitting I'm scared. I remind myself, It's only temporary.
Please God, let it only be temporary. Let it be a safe place, a comfortable place, a place I can feel proud of. Because right now? I don't.
We move on the 20th of this month. Movers come on the 22nd. On the 23rd, moms from my son's school are having a wine, appetizer and UNpacking party. Not sure how much will get done, but it will be nice to have fun and laughter in my new home.
I judge myself harshly. I don't think my home will be anywhere as magnificent as theirs. These wonderful moms are married and live in nice homes. They wont judge. I judge myself.
I hope there comes a time in my life when things are more peaceful and I can be more loving and accepting of myself. I'm workin' on it.
Still miss old what'shisface... even tho I can see now what a jerk he is. And I am not thinking of the past anymore. Just sad that it ended so badly. Sad that he's so angry. And trying hard not to internalize his anger... even tho it's what I normally do. Almost as if I need to apologize to him. Funny how I don't see things as clearly as most of the people who care about me do.