Every Day is Getting a Little Better

I'm not out of the hole yet, but I can tell the meds are doing their job. I also found an amazing therapist who I feel cares for me greatly. It's the first time I've been 100% honest with someone about my "crazy" and as hard as it is, that is the only way I can find help.

I went perusing thru my blog yesterday and found this video. While it's mainly something that only a mother of her own child could bare to watch from start to finish, I thought it was worth sharing again because it reminded me of how close my son and I are, and for where I've been lately, this is exactly what I needed to see.

If you want to read the old blog post be my guest. I Could Not Ask for More. It was good for me to read what I had written just so that I could “get back to that place” once again.

I'm trying guys. I really truly am. Not all of today was easy. I let my client down big time and I only hope that he will be forgiving for not meeting my deadline. The depression is debilitating, and I am trying very hard to get better. My anxiety is still pretty bad and there are a lot of fears. My family tells me we will get thru this together and I'm pretty lucky to have them prop me up when I can barely function. It's a world of difference today from last Friday, thank God. The right meds can do wonders and the wrong ones can be detrimental.

I still don't understand why my x-boyfriend is so angry and wont talk to me; I don't undestand how he could move on so quickly. It makes me doubt all that we shared.

But today I looked at myself in the mirror, and 20 lbs lighter makes me feel so much better. I haven't each much at all. A banana here and there. I ate 1/2 burger yesterday and 1/2 burger today. I had a few bites of chicken a week ago. And on the 25th I had 1/2 steak. Other than that, in 1 month I have not had anything substantial to eat.

I'm 138 today. I was 158 when we broke up 1 month ago.

I have decided to work out this weekend. I am going to start packing. I'm also taking Oliver to the races this weekend. I'll try to take pix.

Thanks for all the love and helpful comments. The texts. The calls. The emails. The support. I hate to let you all down, but know that I am doing better. When I was having thoughts of suicide, it was crazy. I will tell you, there was absolutely NOTHING anyone could do. The pain was just too great. I'm not feeling that way today, and I thank God for that.

One thing I know is that I have the most incredible friends ever a person could ask for. Real, true friends.

Love you all, even those who read this and I haven't met yet.



  1. Morning Andrea:

    So glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. The positive power of prayer and the internet. It's wonderful you have the support of your family and friends but isn't it wonderful too, that many other people whom you've never met are concerned for your welfare as well. I remember that video of Oliver. In one of your other recent posts you mentioned you need to stick around because he needs his Mom. That's true for sure but I also think you need him as well. The unconditional love of your son. Keeping you close in prayer and thoughts and wishing you only the best.

    An internet friend. xo


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