The Story of a Single Mom and the Quest to Save Her Home

There have been a few last ditch attempts to keep the house. I spoke with an attorney. It may be possible, and I'm trying to see if the effort is worth it. I've also called a stream of 800 and 888 numbers, waiting for recorded messages, pressing buttons, trying to understand garbled computer generated voices. I've spoken with people in cubicles who no longer are the ones I was supposed to be transferred to, to people who are patient, kind, understanding. This is not a business I would want to work in: listening to frightened, angry, confused people all day long trying to understand the mortgage industry, trying to find the right person, a needle in a haystack, angry that one more time they have called the wrong department. I'm not angry. It's emotional however. And often after I get off the phone I bury my head in my hands and cry.

In self-pity I think to myself, Why couldn't I settle for a MRS degree? Why didn't I date wealthy men? Business men? Men who have successful careers, who have drive, who have education? 

It would be nice to be able to stay home and not work full-time, but I never could settle for someone I didn't love. And I never met a man I liked with a career. I always found the bad guys. A stream of them. Nice guys... really. Very nice. But drinkers, smokers, non-educated men, men who had no career path.

This describes my X, until about 8 11 years ago, when I supported him thru life changes as he developed a passion about something he believed in. I worked full-time while he began his own business. He found great success in that, both emotionally and financially. Then it all came tumbling down, and he lost every penny he had made including what we had invested. That, I believe, is one of the reasons he left me. I think he went thru some very difficult times, and unfortunately, our marriage was not equipped to handle them. It wasn't built on rock. Neither of us knew how to go thru the hard stuff together, leaning on each other. He certainly couldn't find comfort in me, only blame.

This weekend I spent time with a few really great mothers. Wonderful women. I am just getting to know them, I don't know if they have careers. I suspect they don't. And then I realized something... single mom's out there, you know what I'm about to say.

I am doing it all. The house. The yard. The cleaning. The cooking. I work full-time. I do every appointment, every stop to the grocery store, every bag of garbage taken to the dumpster. Every thing that breaks I have to find someone to fix it. I also manage the apartment upstairs. Every call from the tenant. Every cry for help. I'm up there. I have to inspect, then hire, then pay. I do the yard work (uh... not lately...oh well). I take care of my own car. I pay all the bills. I file all the paper work. I do all the cooking. I used to think I was not a single mom because my son's father is very much a part of his life. I used to think I should be able to all this because I have 3 days a week where I have extra time.

What a bunch of bull. I am a single mom. I'm doing it all. It's hard work. No wonder there's hardly time to shower, time to have fun. And trying to find a way to save this house has been a dark cloud over my head. The whole month of October I was swimming my way out of a depression. I had no interest. I feigned excitement, happiness. I could not get out of the glass bubble my brain lived in. Trying to work and parent and do all of the above was really tough stuff.

I'm a single mom who is trying to find a way to save her home. And I was fighting with my ex who I was once amicable with. I was faced with losing even more than my home — my cottage, my savings, and worse, that extra day with Oliver each week! October was a terrible month. Just the pits!

Luckily I'm out of that—at least for today. I had a reprieve this weekend. I put down the divorce, the legal stuff, the worry about my home. I pretended to have faith, that what lurked around the corner would be even better than what I've had in the past.

It's hard to have faith! It's hard to believe that there will come a day when life is not so hard, when I don't have to worry about where I will live, how I will move, how I will afford a new place. All I want to is make enough money to not worry, to live in a nice place, to have most (all) of our needs met.

Today I called Freddie Mac who owns is trying to buy my home. I called several departments, found several dead ends and then finally found the right department and the right person. I have an inquiry into my property now. All I have to do next is wait. But the clock is ticking. The gavel will come down on the 25th. On that day, my home is gone for sure. I have one option to save it before then. It's costly and may require giving up some of what I've worked hard for and it may not work. It's a gamble, but the odds are good. Before that, I'm looking into other options. There's not a lot of time. I'm trying hard to do what I can. In the end, I have to accept that being here may not be what God has intended.

Or... maybe there are no wrong places for me and Oliver to live. Maybe many of the places are right. Because I don't believe God gives us only one right choice and we're effed if we don't sit quietly, listen and hear which choice he wants us to make. I think God puts lots of choices in front of us. Maybe none of them are wrong. Seriously. What kind of God gives you lots of wonderful options and then steps back, crosses His Almighty arms and says, "Good Luck Sucka! Ha ha ha!"?? I just don't believe there's only one place for me and Oliver to live.

I do believe that in order to grow we have to go thru a lot of painful experiences. How can we know what is beautiful when we have nothing to compare it to?

I released some stress earlier. Now I'm finished working for the day. I'm off to have dinner at my favorite little Mexican cafe, and then home to a warm bed and a movie. Sounds like a nice evening after a day like today.


  1. "I think God puts lots of choices in front of us. Maybe none of them are wrong."
    Yup. This is what I believe. I make my choice and pray that God will be with me through what's ahead. I'm praying that prayer for you, too.

  2. Praying that this last ditch effort works. And, if it doesn't, that you have peace with leaving. God's will will be done. If you don't get to stay, it wasn't meant to be. You are right, there are a lot of good places for you and Oliver to live. You know why? Because you will be there. The love, the warmth, the creativity ... they make four walls a home. You will be blessed wherever you go. I know it is so hard to let go. I LOVED our house in PA. LOVED it. Hated to leave. But where I am now is home. Because Ron and the girls are here. It will be like that for you, too. xoxo


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