I’m Not That Beautiful...

The truth? My X never told me I was beautiful. Not even once. I don't blame him. I used to think he was right. To be honest, I don't think I'm beautiful most of the time. I can point out all my flaws to you. It's only in hindsight, in certain photos, that I can see my beauty. I feel funny completely uncomfortable announcing that today here on RP.

I hate my body too. I am 25-30 lbs over-weight. My arms, back and tummy are bigger than what they used to be. I have a tummy that I've never had before, one that hangs down. I'd be embarrassed to stand naked in front of anyone.

There's a small part of me that wonders if I were more beautiful, thinner and younger, maybe my X would not have left.

OK, some of this I say in jest. I'm less than half earnest. Yet these are the voices that I hear in my head. They appear when I get out of the shower, each morning when put on make up, while I'm picking out something to wear. It's not my X's fault. Maybe he never thought I was beautiful. Maybe he did but couldn't say it. I've heard him call other women beautiful however. So he does know the word. :) But this post has little to do with him.

I do struggle with my self-image. You'll see in that shortly in the next few days when I publish another post allowing you a small glimpse into a vulnerable part of my life. (stay tuned)

Today I came across this amazing Dove ad. Please, take the time to watch it. It brought tears to my eyes. I am 100% guilty of this myself.

Look at the discrepancy between how these women see themselves and the way others see them.

These drawings break my heart.

I found these two photos of Sheryl Crow. I think she's beautiful, but look at the difference between a regular snap shot of her and the retouched promotional photo. Of course, I compare myself to the retouched image. How warped is that?

We are all beautiful. I have written more than one cliché in today’s post. But it's true. Big, small, old, young.

Look at this beautiful woman. This is Dotti, my dad’s sweetheart.


Please, tell me in the comments section that you think she's beautiful. She falls victim to the same discriminatory self-image. I'd love to let her know that people think she's beautiful.

And me? I don’t always see what other’s see.

Maybe I'm not the thinnest, hottest, youngest, prettiest woman on the block. But I have people in my life who think I'm beautiful. They tell me I'm beautiful. I have a hard time believing it. (Being dumped didn't help.) Sometimes, however, I can see glimpses of what they are saying.

Oliver was 4 years old when took a series of photos of me last fall. I could barely look at myself when I first saw them. I saw only the flaws. It is only after a bit of time passes that I can go back and see the beauty that is in me that is me.

I am beautiful.


What about you? How do you see yourself? Can you describe yourself accurately? More importantly, do you consider yourself beautiful? Can you say it? Can you say, “I’m beautiful.”


  1. Dotti is SO pretty. I love the way her eyes light up!

    I would tell you you're gorgeous but I also know it doesn't matter that I tell you :) Probably the same way it won't matter to Dotti either.

    You know something weird? I do a lot of battle with this crap myself and lately I'm wondering if maybe I have a fear of acknowledging that I am indeed beautiful. After going so many years without identifying with that phrase and the things I associate with it, I think what stops me now is fear from embracing it. I've seen the way I clean up. I've seen the way I get checked out. I've seen photos of myself and have done quadruple takes. And yet, I just have a hard time embracing it and saying, "Hell yeah I'm pretty" Maybe I'm scared of what I think being pretty means...

  2. I've always believed that beauty is something we hold inside ourselves. It can enhance the physical or detract from it. I know this sounds clichéd but it is true.
    I've known many, many people in my life whose looks were not the first (or second) thing I noticed about them. As I knew them and loved them, they became beautiful in my eyes and isn't that all that's really important here, to be deeply beautiful to those that love us?
    Andrea and Dotty: you are both beautiful. Andrea with that gorgeous smile that lights up your whole face and Dotty with the sparkling blue eyes that seem lit from the warmth within. But truthfully,what I think isn't important because you are beautiful to those who matter most in your lives.

  3. Dotti's bright eyes sparkle with beauty. And I know this post isn't about digging for compliments but I'm going to do it anyway - you ARE beautiful! On the outside AND the inside - and I think since I've known you, you've become even more lovely. I mean that!!!

  4. I think Dottie is beautiful! And I think you are too! You started out the pretty one. You were a head turner when you were just a baby. People always stopped Mom when she had you in a stroller wheeling you around stores. They had to comment on how pretty a baby you were. You had your eye on clothes and people had their eye on you.


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