Crazy Busy

I have been so busy that I haven't even thought about RP for a full 5 days! I cannot believe it because I practically live my life as if it were a blog post.

I did write a post last week Wednesday, but I was reluctant to publish it. (Those of you with Google Reader got a sneak peek, by accident!) The story divulged quite personal information, and as y'all know I perty much air all me dirty laundry out in the backyard, but there was something a little too personal about this one. Maybe I will later. Certainly now is not the time as I am heading to court this week.

We've been busy. With the new schedule we have in place for Oliver, I barely see him one week and then see him practically all the time the next. It's not that I don't want to be with my son (who demands my much of my attention... for instance while he was in the shower tonight, he called me in at least 7 times to ask me, "What does... um... O... and... N... and E and F and R spell? and other various sundries. It takes a full 2 seconds for him to say each letter, and he pauses another 2 seconds in between each letter. You may think this is nothing, but his concocted words became longer and longer with each summon into the bathroom), I just don't have time to do much else when he's here. I mentioned in the last post that I wont be writing while he's with me and awake (he's sleeping right now at 12:34 am). And sometimes my bed time is shortly after his. (smile)

We had a blast this weekend, and I am constantly amazed at my 4-year old's vocabulary and passion for learning. He wants to write, spell words, talk about the weather and dance to "rock songs." We exchange pleasantries on the way to preschool each morning as we hike down the street. “Beautiful day, isn't it Mommy?” I hold in my urge bust out a laugh and reply politely instead, “Yes, t’is.” He drank nearly a gallon of milk these past 5 days, and he scarfed down apples, bananas, cheese sticks, and other healthy snacks. I think he dipped into the Halloween candy only once, and he even stated, "I'm going to wash my hands now." after eating apple slices dipped in caramel. The indoctrination is working. ;) Or maybe it was just that wiping his hands on his pants didn't quite do the trick this time. We went to Betty Brinn's Children's Museum on Tuesday, the planetarium on Friday night, Trainfest on Saturday afternoon (where he danced to a live performance of Choo Choo Bob and totally cracked me up), purchased the movie Hugo (highly recommend) for Saturday night viewing pleasure, and attended StoneFire pizza (I renamed it StoneFireHell) on Sunday for a birthday party. Oliver promptly bathed and showered upon arriving home, got into jammies, watched a little Choo Choo Bob video (thank you Trainfest — we won it for free); we read books, and he was asleep by 7:30. That's Oliver's itinerary. Mine was the same but included cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and starting the hCG diet (which I promptly fell off of at StoneFire, grrrr). In addition, I'm trying to purge anything I have a fear of letting go of, but that's for another post. Hence, I cleaned the fridge like a mad woman this week and one look inside the fridge and you'd think I have no money for food. We are not starving, trust me. I want to be clutter free by the time Oliver turns 5 in March. That is my goal... and that is definitely another post!

I have a lot of work to do, and I didn't have much time this weekend to get it done. So tonight I plopped in front of my desktop computer to work.

It's after midnight, and as I crawled into bed I remembered RP!

My week will be busy and full. I have a lot to get done this week to prepare for a client meeting on Friday. In addition, the first court date is this week Thursday. I have no more fears surrounding it, and I hope I can remain positive and confident as the hearing approaches. I think it will be surreal to see my soon-to-be-ex sitting at a table across from me. Come on. We are friends (kinda sorta). It's all so formal. And damn expensive. We'll see if we remain friends after Thursday. My attorney is my advocate. Y'all told me this is her fight now, not mine. It didn't feel that way at first, but somehow those prayers y'all said for me a while back worked. Magically the anxiety left. Thank you Lord Jesus.

But....I do have a valid concern or two, altho this is not paralyzing me as it did only a couple weeks ago. I'm concerned because temporary hearings are not always temporary. Whatever the judge decides on Thursday I will have to live with until we are divorced. We may divorce in 6 months, but what if it takes longer? I'm not going there. I'm counting on the fact that I have a great atty, that Matt is a reasonable man (maybe) and that at worst, Oliver will spend more time with his daddy who loves him. It's not 50-50 right now, and I am hoping that I will still have as much time as I have with Oliver now or more.

I'm happy today — almost joyful. I'm at peace. I'm not harboring anger, resentment, or pain. Just for today. I've felt this way for a while now... a week? Maybe two? I think I mentioned in my last post that I finally know I deserve better. I know I can be happy without a marriage, that marriage in particular. I'd be fine if I never had to see him again (I wish I didn't) but that's not the case as we will co-parent our son and have to navigate thru that with as little damage as possible to Oliver. Oh that beautiful child. You have no idea what a little sweet, smart, sensitive, happy little boy he is. Loving. Caring. Thoughtful. Sigh...

I'm going to read now and sign off. If I can, I'll write more this week. I certainly will have something to say after Thursday.

Please pray for all of us! My attorney, myself, Matt, Oliver. Thank you!