Trying to Be Sane in an Insane Situation

Things certainly have been high and low for me the past three weeks. Last week I slipped into a state of acceptance, and like an old sweater, it felt good. (Since I began writing this post three days ago things have changed. I think I lost that sweater this week.)

We spent a lovely 5 days at the cottage last weekend. Oliver had 3 days without school, so what better time to head up? We had a couple days of decent weather which led us first to a corn maze ...









and the next day, a rocky hike along the beach.

Thursday the winds were quite powerful, and the best part of that was pulling right up to the edge of the harbor, not only to watch the water splash powerfully into the sky, but to actually participate (safely) by parking our car right up to the harbor's edge. Hopefully you saw the video in the last post.

Saturday nights at the cottage are sometimes difficult for me. Maybe it's the fact that I am coming back home and having to deal with life. Maybe it's the fact that I am still haunted by memories of a marriage that is now long gone. Matt's moved on. I haven't completely. That sucks. Nightmares occur a lot these days, and this Saturday was no exception. I awoke from several bad dreams. Sunday was filled with anxiety, fear and anger. Not especially fun. Grief is funny. It's not how I'd expect it, and I hope you can see from reading here — if you're a long-time reader — that the grief I'm going thru now is necessary, altho not as intense, and it's fleeting. It's necessary but temporary. It wont bring me to my knees. (Ha ha. Oh how things can change in a matter of days.) However, I feel strong emotions. I need to breathe first and allow God to take over. When I take over, I make myself look bad, and I dig a hole for myself. Last week's sermon discussed reactions to difficult circumstances. The pastor called reacting without thinking it thru first, "Ready! Fire! Aim!"

I've done some reflecting last weekend — a lot of journaling, and I've come to some conclusions. I'll share those with you later, possibly.

I'd like to write assiduously, in detail, but to be honest, I have to go dark for a while. I will continue to post, I will continue to write honestly in my own personal journals, but I have to be cognizant of what I say on a public level. When this whole mess is over (6 months?) I can tell you all about it. Maybe. (Attorneys)


Deep breath.


Here one last photo from the weekend. Thanks for checking in. :)


  1. LOVE that last photo of you two!! Stay strong.

  2. Andrea, as usual, your photos are beautiful.

    You are going through a very, very difficult time and it is completely normal to go back and forth between emotions. You are correct, you haven't fully moved on yet but that is ok too. I personaly believe that as long as there isn't a clear legal finish line, you cannot find the peace you are so hoping for.

    I am speaking from my own experience and I am promising you that you will come out the other end and life makes sense again and you will find love and happiness. It might take 6 months or 16 months, who knows. But the fact remains, you will get through it no matter how dark and scary it may look at certain times.

    It is so hard to imagine that there is something better waiting for us when you have the broken pieces of a marriage in front of you. But there is! You have come so far and you have been such a strong mother for that little guy, continue what you are doing and know that you are not alone.

    Best, Jana

  3. I am praying for you. It's good that you are able to write - no matter that it never is seen publicly. I write a lot more than I ever express in public.


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