4 Weeks Ago

It’s difficult to believe that 1 month ago I had a job. Oh but not really. It dawned on me after I was laid off that the decision to let a few folks go was made long before I was told about it. I’m certain it was not made even a couple weeks prior.

It makes sense now, and there were signs, but I never put them together. I can look back and see them. There were quite a few.

Ah, that is all hindsight, and I’m focused on the future. I was told this would be a roller coaster ride, and so far it has been. I can proudly say, however, that there has NOT been a single day spent in mourning, not a single day spent in bed, not a single (full) day spent in self-pity. I’ve had my moments. That’s all, thankfully. Moments. Not prized either. I think I could have earned a gold medal in self pity during the hours I spent feeling sappy and sorry for my sad mopey self. Meh, they didn’t last long. My son keeps me on my feet, my resumé took a brave amount of energy, and my personal portfolio website (which ya ain’t gonna see just now) was like wrastlin’ with an octopus — it took a few (too many) days to build.

Which reminds me, this blog, Raising Peanut will soon have the subdomain removed. I’m not sure why I didn’t do it sooner. RaisingPeanut.com has been registered for a couple years. When the time comes (soon) you’ll be redirected. Don’t be afraid when if prompted, “Are you absolutely, positively sure you want to redirect?” as if my site was in possession of some repudiated alienable force which might steal your soul — or your credit card, whichever has more value. While that could be the case, in this instance, hopefully, it will not be.

 I can tell you this: losing my job has given me the time that I’ve needed to put my life back together. I don’t mean emotionally — on that stratosphere, I’m doing well. Things like tending to my son’s play room, registering him for preschool, getting my carpets cleaned (finally!!!). It’s things like that I’d never seemed to find time for. On my list for tomorrow is finding an antenna so I can watch what’s left of the games on regular television. (They are still on, aren’t they?) We killed the cable subscription and really haven’t missed much except the local news. I have no idea what’s going on in the world. Leisure time. It can do that to you, isolate you from local and world events, reducing you to an animal with solitary habits living in a reality limited only by instinct, intellect and imagination.

So... I polished my knives today.

OK, maybe I am a tad bit bored.

I did chase down a few leads. I’m working on a few others too. I want to work. I am not looking forward to it right at this very moment. Summer is here. I have my son. He’s with me often, and I absolutely adore spending this extra time with him. It will be sad when it’s over. Maybe in my next career I can ask for a full month off, sort of an annual sabbatical. I knew I should have been a teacher. Best license plate I ever saw: WIT-JJA  which translated simply to: Why I Teach - June July August. Thee best.

I long to work tho. I love working. I like the income. I like the savings. I like my career. I like designing. A lot. I like interacting with others professionally. I like feeling like an adult actually. Maybe it’s because I haven’t felt like one until lately. I grew up late. I married at 35. I graduated college at 38. I had my son at 43. Luckily as a waitress (thank you Suze) I was able to start a few retirement accounts like 401k and others. Growing up is a lotta fun. All is well.

I want to share today’s reading in God Calling:

All is Well

My Keeping Power is never at fault, but only your realization of it. Not whether I can provide a shelter from the storm, but your failure to be sure of the security of that shelter.

Every fear, every doubt, is a crime against My Love.

Oh! Children, trust. Practice daily, many times a day, saying “All is well.”

Say it until you believe it, know it.

God Calling, August 7th

I said that often today. I said it until I believed it. I did a centering meditation today as well. I’m actually happy. Bright. Sunny. Lively. A bit scattered. A bit stressed. A bit forgetful. But not depressed. Not dark. Very bright, light and positive. Very passionate.

Next week, if there is not a job in sight, I think I’ll take off for the cottage with my son. It will be nice to get away for a full week and do some hiking and swimming. I’ll keep you posted.

Again, just want to remind you that this blog will eventually redirect you to www.RaisingPeanut.com. Please update your bookmarks when that happens!