We went to a picnic on Saturday with my dad, Dotti, Oliver and myself. Lots of fun.

Oliver was up close and personal with the fire department.


While eating Skittles. A rarity.


Learned how to put out a fire.


But mostly just posed by the truck.


or tried to drive it.

And this basically was his whole demeanor all weekend.


I couldn't have had a more soft spoken, sweet, angelic child.


Totally smiling and enjoying himself at every turn.


Loving his grand parents.


Dotti, by the way, isn't she beautiful? I know a lady's not supposed to tell her age. She's 90 and you would never know it chatting with her or watching her walk.  She was a ballroom dancer all her life. Shows you how keeping active can keep your mind sharp and your body young.


And this is the only pic I got of my dad.

I don't think I've seen him this happy in a long time. He was all smiles all weekend.

*   *   *   *   *

Sunday we went to the water park. In our town, there are a number of new pools to visit, many with zero-depth for young kids like Oliver. We hung there the entire day with friends. At the end of the day, we ran into my friend's husband and his daughter (about the same age as Oliver). The four of us decided at the same time to leave, our children were playing together and it was time for each of us to go to our respective homes for dinner. Oliver threw a fit. Of course. He was tired; he had a ton of fun. Normally I deal with this. Instead, my friend's husband picked up Oliver and "parented" him for me, explaining why we had to go, that it was time for dinner, etc etc etc. You know, dad stuff. I walked behind them in the pool pushing back tears.

This is what I don't have. As a single mom, I don't have that kind of support. This man was a father, and to talk to Oliver as he was doing was just what father's do. The weight was taken off my shoulders, if only for a bit. I'm not sure why I was so choked up. It wasn't sadness really. Maybe. I don't know. It was just that.... that... oh hell. I forgot what it was like to have another parent there. When I get to see Oliver interact, even if only briefly, with a father-like figure, I choke up. Do you understand it? I don't.

I miss it. Doesn't mean I want Matt back.

I miss family. I love the strength and independence I feel being a single mom, doing it all alone. I love my alone time with Oliver. I don't have to share him. Yet, it's all on me. Alone. And when a man such as this, a good man, shows love and care and concern for my son, acting in that role, I feel my throat swell up. My eyes watered. I held back tears.

It was a 45 second walk from the pool to the chairs. I did my best not to show the emotions. Deep breath. Lets go Oliver.

*   *   *   *   *

Well, now Oliver lef this morning. I have some heavy things on my heart today. I'm dressed and ready to go. I have some great job news. I have to get crackin' on that resume and send it off today. I'd like to share the details, but alas, it's always better to not tempt fate.

God was right. I will be OK. I will be more than OK.

And once I take care of business this morning, I will be able let my mind go for a bit, and maybe find a way to make sense of all those crazy thoughts in my head.

But, business matters first. No time for emotions. I have a job to find. :)

Later gators......