Overcoming Negativity and Fears

I wrestled with the devil last night. He had his grip around my neck and pulled me below the surface where the air was thin and dry, and the earth started to crumble and fall into the cavernous hole I found myself trapped in.

He’d been tapping on my shoulder all day, quietly whispering doubts in my ear, injecting steroids into each insecurity and fear until self-loathing and depression encapsulated my soul.

A distant bell offered a life line out. The readings from God Calling shifted my perspective and held out a rope from which I climbed out of the pit; those recent readings continue to provide a life raft, saving me from hell daily.

I’m OK. I’m better than OK. I can do this. I am doing this. I am not filled with anger. I don’t have time for anger. And I’m verily prepped for this challenge. The world is open to me. I’m in a place of power, and altho it feels as if I have no control, in fact, I do. I’ve been released from a room without windows, and it’s been nice to let in the sunlight and breathe fresh air. I now have a room with a view.

What I left behind is not who I am. It’s a role I played, and just like after 4 years of high school, graduation time is here. Where I go next is in my own hands. I don’t even have to stay in town. That is the wonderful thing about this. My child is young enough that I can move about the cabin with complete freedom of choice.

And just like that, fears are gone. When I’m focused on the very next thing, staying in the moment, I’m in a place of power and control. I understand my situation; I’m passionate about what I do; I’m confident I can navigate thru what’s in front of me. I’m stronger than I think.

I am very serious about those readings being a lifeline for me. Two major life changes for me and each time, both times, God has made it so very very clear to me that I will be more than OK. Losing a marriage is much more difficult than losing a job. I’d take the job loss over marriage disaster any day. Nothing, no nothing can shake me anymore after what I’ve been thru. Doesn’t mean this doesn’t hurt. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. Doesn’t mean I like it. Just means it’s no where near as painful. What bites? Reality. The loyalty I thought I had earned may not have been quite as strong as I thought it was. Partly, that’s on me.

I’m staying under the umbrella; life is good; I’m more than positive I will be in an even better place than I have been in a long long time.

Today’s reading: Songs on the Way

There must be songs on the way. Should I plant your feet on an insecure ladder? Its supports may be out of your sight, hidden in my secret Place of the Most High, but if I have asked you to step on and up firmly — then surely have I secured your ladder.

God Calling, July 15