I am Forever Changed

Hi friends. I know I’ve given small glimpses into how I’m doing, but I wanted to give you a brief update.

I’m doing well, thank you.

OK, goodnight. :)

Oh, just kidding, not about the doing well part for that is no joke. I don’t know what it is, but I seem to be exponentially be getting better as the days and weeks pass. I just have to say I’m so glad to be out of the woods, for now it seems. Perhaps it’s just a small reprieve, but whatever it is, I’m liking it. I’m basking in it actually.

I can’t tell you how much I have been enjoying my life lately. I cannot tell you how relieved I am that my obsession has been lifted. I no longer think non-stop about my problems. In fact, I don’t consider them to be problems any longer.

I cannot explain either the spiritual journey I am on. It is so true: seek and ye shall find. I have been attending church in the last month. I think it’s been too many years to count. All roads have been leading me to one place, albeit I confess, I have not converted, nor have I committed to anything or any direction. I’m just seeking.

God is reaching me and laying the garden stones for me to walk upon, setting a path for me. I am being met where I’m at and that, my friends, is a very good feeling. I feel no pressure. I feel no push. Not even a nudge. All the options are being put forth in front of me. I have choices.

As for my marriage, it is no longer on the forefront of my mind. I am thinking about Andrea: my days, my son, what to make for dinner, how I will finish my book in time for the book club meeting at my home, getting to work on time and things like that. I am taking this awesome class call D Care (click here for more information) and I find it to be incredibly helpful. In fact, I am sad I didn’t find it sooner. I feel like I landed in the right place finally.

Now, should I be greeted with papers one day, that doesn’t mean I wont crumble and fall to the floor in pain. And just maybe I wont. But today, that fear no longer consumes me, and I no longer am driven to act on that fear. My future is bright, no matter which direction I move in, whether it be with or without my husband. It took me a long time and a lot of tears to get to this place.

Grief will need to takes its course. I am feeling strong today, but that does not mean I am over my marriage; nor does it mean I shall never have another bad day. I’m sure there are many bad days ahead, and I know there will be times that are treacherous to walk through. The most perilous may be just ahead. But through that will be the light and soon I will be free from this barrel I’m in.

I know this much is true: I am stronger and I am forever changed. I can make it. My future is bright. My son is healthy and with me. I am healthy. We have a roof over our heads. Our expenses are paid for. Our needs are met. Many of our luxuries are within reach. There is some money in the bank. My future is not at risk. Just for today, we are all OK. Just for today, we are prepared for tomorrow, the best we can be. Today, we are living in the moment, appreciating all we have and seeing the abundance of friends, love and comfort. We have more than we need. Our cup overflows.

Just for today I am happy.

Just for today I look forward to waking up.

Just for today I have a job.

Just for today I am warm.

Just for today everyone I love is alive and healthy. (My mother is alive in heaven of course!)

Just for today I can look everyone in the eye.

Just for today I know there is a God revealing Himself to me in ways I can understand.

Just for today I am a mother and I have a beautiful child who delights in life.

Thanks for being here for me all these months my friends. I so appreciate your support.

With love,

company party


  1. Oh my how far you have come! I am so, so happy for you! I knew you could do it. Keep up all that you are doing and life will reward you. As you can see you truly are blessed.

    Andy xo

    PS-You look wonderful in your LBD!! ;-)

  2. You look so beautiful and so radiant in this photo!!! I am so glad that you have turned a corner and can see how amazing you truly are, and how blessed you truly are.

    love you!

  3. Just one comment… I disagree with… the part where you say if you got served with papers you might fall to the ground or crumble… Please re read the title of the post!

    I see a change in you from your “seeking”… a blossoming… a coming out… a centered, more confident Andrea… that I believe is coming from having the courage to seek with open hands, and open mind and an open heart! Your higher power will never let go of you. I believe you have learned in a whole new way to depend on your higher power and that will prove helpful and sustaining… come what may in your future. You go girl! You are an inspiration to me.

    Have a great day,
    Love you,

  4. It is SO good to hear you are doing well and to see you smile :)


  5. Reading this just made my day, Andrea. You are beautiful. Isn't it empowering to look in the mirror and feel proud of yourself? Proud of the choices you are making, the daughter/mother/friend that you are, etc. There is DIGNITY and confidence in choosing to be the best version of you.

    So thrilled for you. And so happy that you have found some comfort at church. For me personally, the biggest change in my walk with God came when I stopped worrying so much about religion and just sought HIM. No strings attached.

    Keep smiling! There WILL be hard days, but you will be ready.

  6. So glad to hear you doing well... flourishing even! Yeah! you go girl!



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