Today I’m Grateful for Matt

1. He is a great papa to Oliver
2. for the way he’d touch me, gently on the back or shoulders
3. for the way he’d chat with me when we would just talk at times
4. for bringing me coffee almost every single day, even when he was “not in love” with me
5. for bringing me coffee even on the mornings after we'd had a fight... he did it ALL the time
6. for bringing me coffee even the last week he was in the house
7. for the hug he gave me in the garage on the day he moved out... that told me he did love me, that his feelings were clear and sincere... it was an honest good bye... and even in the cloud of anger and resentment and all the brick walls that followed, it still holds true as a REAL moment with REAL feelings regardless of how this turns out
8. for paying the mortgage on our home which gives me and Oliver an awesome place to live, in a safe community, in a beautiful home
9. for paying the daycare each week, on time, without fail and not asking me to chip in at all
10. for being an amazing supporter, financially for us, for a long long time (wasn't always the case, and he worked very, very hard to get to a place where he could do this)
11. for always making me feel financially secure, even when he was not sure how he was going to make ends meet
12. for paying luxuries and consumables, from which he receives no benefit such as heat, electricity, and cable. 
13. for wanting to be with his child, not out of obligation but out of love and desire. He truly loves Oliver and is a good teacher to him. I will never deny him that opportunity
14. for all the good times we had together 
15. for being so mellow and so patient with my character flaws
16. for loving me for so many years despite my gray hair coming in, my weight gain and my hormones acting up each month :) And for never complaining about any of it
17. for being sober and making changes in his life for a better Matt and a better us — for many years
18. for going to every single pre-natal (and post-natal) appointment with me when I was pregnant
19. for allowing me to breast feed past one year, for supporting me and my parenting ideas and beliefs
20. for supporting me and my friendships with other women, allowing me to take off whenever I wanted to head out with my girlfriends for the night or the weekend
21. for being a great son-in-law to my father; my father still loves him so and misses him too
22. for visiting my father in the hospital despite what was going on with us at the time
23. for showing me his beautiful, glorious homeland, Switzerland. I so enjoyed our travels there and elsewhere in Europe
24. for allowing me to be me in our marriage, for not trying to change me

I miss you Matt, despite all that has happened. I miss my friend. I am wanting to chat over a cup of coffee, to just hang with you today.

You were a good friend to me all these years and I miss you today, my dear friend.... my very best friend for so many years.