It’s a Wonderful Life

I’m being carried. Thank you to all! I feel better than I have felt in a long long time. There is nothing like being surrounded by family. The holiday was awesome; bittersweet in a way because a few members live far away. As usual, it’s always difficult to say good-bye. The family that lives nearby I get to see on occasion, but even so, it’s difficult to get everyone together.

I will eventually post about our Christmas. I’m working on a post now. In the mean time, I am sharing a few photos below of the support, love and kindness my family offered this holiday. As well, I am sharing another Emmet Fox passage that has been inspiring me lately. It has to do with negativity.

“What is meant by negative thinking? A negative thought is any thought of failure, disappointment, or trouble; any thought of criticism, or spite, or jealousy, or condemnation of others, or self-condemnation; any thought of sickness or accident; or, in short, any kind of limitation. In practice you will never have any trouble in knowing whether a thought is positive or negative. Even if your brain tries to deceive you, your heart will whisper the truth.” Emmet Fox

I love this reading and the words that follow. He writes that these kinds of thoughts will come to us, because we are human after all. It’s that we need not entertain and dwell upon them. Some we hear, some we think on our own; but it does not matter how they come to us, what matters is that we do not entertain them. This is part of the seven-day mental diet.

I am trying to stay positive and focus on what I need to do for me, for Oliver, for my happiness. My thoughts are positive and hopeful, and I think that has helped me to accept the gifts everyone lays before me and to see the good in my life.

I have strung together quite a few good days in a row. I feel strength and even a bit of joy! I have a genuine smile on my face. I refuse to entertain any of the negative emotions that I have been feeling lately, prior to the holidays. I can get filled with fear and that can rule my world. Today I have positive hopes for my future, with or without Matt. I know I will be OK without him. I am finally figuring that out! Yay for me! I know Oliver wont be unscathed, and that I truly feel strongly about.

I really detest hearing, “Children are resilient,” even if they are. I hate it. I don’t know why, but it makes me feel like it’s just a way for adults to rationalize their poor choices. Am I anti-D.... well, yes, in my case, I am. In your case? I’m sure every situation is different. But here I am on my high-horse. I think in many D’s, the adults are making choices based on self. The children are not involved in making those choices. They are innocent by-standers. If you want, feel free to read this Huffinton Post article by Wendy Dennis on Sophisticated Divorce, especially the comments that follow. I’m not trying to convince you to my way of thinking. I’m standing out on a limb here and sharing my own opinions. You may or may not agree, and I may find out I am sorely wrong. But for today, this is how I feel. Your circumstances may be entirely different. In mine, I think a D would be a fatal mistake, however, I realize it does take two to make a marriage work, and only one to end it.

I think my sister’s comment in the post earlier about family is so true. I think being around my family this holiday really truly lifted me up. They were so loving and positive, very caring! Here’s a sampling of what I experienced...


Ronnie and Oliver - yikes!

Teri and Jeffy

Crys, Sue and Andi

James, Oliver, Jim


Crys wrapping gifts

em and drew

After being around all those folks above, I no longer feel left behind or rejected by my husband. Instead, I feel carried, loved and supported. This Christmas, my family was a source of love and comfort. I have been doing this single mom thing for a while now.... 8 or more months (I lost count!). It was so nice to have Crys feed my son, take him to the bathroom, have my nephews buckle him in the car seat, take him out of the car seat, hold him, take his hand, play with him. My sister Teri got down on all fours and played with him. My other sister Marian treated him as well as her own grand kids. We were included, invited and supported. My load was cut in half and that was cool.

The love my family showered upon Oliver humbled me. I wrote this once before: No one loves your child as much as family does! Through their love for him I could see their love for me. He is family too. He’s not just a pet I added to my home. Don’t laugh because in a way, it sort of seemed that way at first. To have Oliver was our choice. And I had no idea — none — what the impact would be in my family. Yet, he is an addition to our family. He is part of our family. He will carry on. He will live on. He will shine on when I am long gone. He will bring a part of me into the next generation. How profound, how cool. He’s more than a pet. I know, silly, right? But what a big deal it is in a lot of ways. And watching my family swoop in and help me out, not just with Oliver, but with many things humbled me. There was no anger this holiday. No drama. No fighting. (Not that there isn’t any attitude because of course, what’s a family without personality!) Just true, pure love. How wonderful. I understand now the film, “It’a  Wonderful Life” because it truly is.

I also know that my friends were holding me up. I had a cool visit with my friend Pamela on Monday evening. It was so lovely. She has been in my corner these last 9 months supporting me, praying for me, holding me up, listening to me, getting angry for me, giving me love and hope, sending me words of comfort at just the right times, never harsh, never wimpy, just always the right thing and the right time. She too lives far away and we get to visit only twice a year. It’s all bittersweet, but time and distance can’t keep our friends away.


So, I’m keeping on. I have hopes for my future. A reunion, as one of my blog readers said a while back, may not be my first priority anymore. Really, I’m enjoying my life and my home. I’m grateful for all that I have. My son is so sweet and precious, the best gift my husband ever gave me. For that I will always be grateful to Matt.

I have my boy to myself the next 5 days. Lucky me. (Or not... I may be grateful when, Monday January 3rd rolls around — a regular work day.) For now, I’m enjoying my very own version of It’s a Wonderful Life with much to be grateful for.


  1. "To my friend Andrea, the richest girl in town!" Sounds like someone has turned a corner, so very glad for you.

  2. Yikes ... detest seeing myself in photos!! :)

    I will always be in your corner ... so glad that at last YOU are in your corner, too!!!


  3. This has been the best Christmas celebration by far for my immediate family since the lost of our mom. It was so good to have "blood" all in the same household and I was so glad everyone came over. We love everyone and hope to do it again some day. I was so happy as was everyone else. Love Sue. PS My brother Jeff is a great child watcher so if you ever need a sitter, take him up on it. And me, too! Love you so much. And I'm not trying to be anonymous... don't know what I'm doing!

  4. Thanks Sue and everyone... (You'll always be Susie to me!)....

    Hope you don't mind I posted a photo of you on my blog! I have more. Check back in a few days for my Christmas 2010 post!

    Love y'all! Andrea


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