Get Me Through December

How pale is the sky that brings forth the rain
As the changing of seasons prepares me again
For the long bitter nights and the wild winter's day
My heart has grown cold my love stored away
My heart has grown cold my love stored away

I've been to the mountain left my tracks in the snow
Where souls have been lost and the walking wounded go
I've taken the pain no girl should endure
Faith can move mountains of that I am sure
But faith can move mountains of that I am sure

Just get me through December
A promise I'll remember
Get me through December
So I can start again

No divine purpose brings freedom from sin
And peace is a gift that must come from within
I've looked for the love that will bring me to rest
Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest
Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest

Get me through December
A promise I'll remember
Get me through December
So I can start again

Written by: Fred Lavery, Gordie Sampson
Performed by: Alison Krauss

I hope you enjoy this song, albeit it's a bit on the solemn side. I planned to share it with you on this month of the year, and so here it is. It's very meaningful to me — each line, each phrase. I could have written the words myself had I such a gift.


It's December 1st, 2010. In Wisconsin, it's a bitter cold 27 degrees outside, the snow is falling, the sky is grey and so becomes my soul. My heart breaks today.

The day started out as usual, my son waking me at 6 am asking to cuddle, needing some love and comfort. In the darkness, I stroked his soft cheeks... his skin still so new and bright, so pure and perfect, young and protected from a life well-lived.

But as the morning progressed, wouldn't you know, this little Bug would find the Halloween bag that I unwittingly forgot to toss out at the end of October. It was filled to the brim with chocolates and candy, gobstoppers and bubble gum eyeballs. He clung to it like a lost puppy, someone who was protecting his life savings, not allowing me near.

I tried several ways to negotiate his grasp and finally chose to just pry his little fingers off it, which prompted a full-blown, knock-down-drag-out meltdown, the kind where cute little bunnies morph into red-eyed raging imps foaming at the mouth. After a few minutes of struggle, the bag went into the garbage, the child under my arm, and we headed for the car, Oliver kicking and screaming the whole way. I didn't care much about the neighbors, but the word “Rosebud” crossed my mind, and I wondered if tossing out Oliver's Halloween candy before his very eyes would scar him for life. I pushed that thought aside and decided I'd worry about it later. I vehemently tried to get him into the car seat when I swear his eyes turned a smokin’ bright red and horns came out of his head. That's when the foam erupted.

Defeated, I brought him back into the house, already late, and let out my breath as I sat him on the couch and positioned myself in the next room, on a chair, staring out the window.

I began to pray.

After 10 minutes, his loud cries eventually subsided. Once all was quite, I walked over to him, softly gathered him into my arms and loved up on him. He acquiesced and snuggled into my breast. We sat in silence in the dark, in the cool still living room, neither one of us moving.

It was quiet once more and that's when all the tears came out.... of me that is. Tears I had held in all morning. Tears I held in all night. Tears I held in all yesterday and the day before. I had tossed in my sleep the last few nights but had not allowed my guard to come down lest a shower of deep grief cascade in descent, knowing that once it would start it could not stop.

It's time to give up. I really believe it may be time. 

And that breaks my heart.

This is now my life.

In the midst of my tears my little stoic son, now two and one-half years old, looked up at me. Trying to hold back his own tears, chin quivering, he said to me,

“Daddy will be back. Daddy will be back, OK Momma? He will come back to you.”

Oh my goodness. I just looked at him. Brushed his cheek. I sighed.

Oh Oliver. I love you. I so love you. You are the best little boy ever.”

oliver-green plaid shirt


  1. Andrea,
    I got goosebumps reading your post. You are such a strong and courageous woman. My heart breaks for you and the pain you are going through. Let your sweet little peanut give you strength... change is so very hard... I hope you rise tommorrow with a lighter heart...

  2. oh my lord! I cannot believe how intuitive he is at only 2 1/2 years old! I just am in shock Andrea!!! What happened to that little baby we used to hold? lol :O) Glad he still likes to cuddle with you, and glad he can be 1 of your rocks during this hard time... not glad he had such a bad temper tantrum lol but I'm very impressed with how well you and he handled it and got him to de-escalate on his own... you're such a good mom andrea and i hope things start improving on the relationship end :-/ xo Megs

  3. So sweet. What a beautiful boy. And you are a beautiful mom, you're doing a great job Andrea, hang in there. More will be revealed.

  4. There's only us
    There's only this
    Forget regret-- or life is yours to miss.
    No other road
    No other way
    No day but today


  5. Thanks for above post, Andrea. I loved your description of your boy's meltdown - very funny while still horrifying.
    The Alison Krauss song is a gift - thank you so much for making me aware of it.
    Keep up good blogging and mothering!



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