Today I'm Grateful
Monday night at my book study, one of my friends shared a story about one of her friends. This guy's mother was diagnosed with a particular cancer, and she soon died from it. After that, his wife was diagnosed with the exact same cancer! She, however, is a survivor. Right after that, his daughter was diagnosed with cancer, a different kind. Three major life-changing, somewhat tragic events. Eventually, while his daughter was being treated he decided to write a gratitude list, but not a list of things he was grateful for in spite of what happened. Rather the list was about what he was grateful for as a direct result of what happened.
What a remarkable way to look for the miracles in one's life.
I did just that today. I have written down all the things I can think of that I'm grateful for in my life that are a direct result of what happened the past several months—things that I could not have learned, done, received or heard—without this event happening in my life. Here goes.
Things that I'm grateful for as a direct result of my separation (in no particular order):
And.... I'm grateful to Matt for helping me become a better person for this! Someday I will make some man a very good wife. And I know already I'm a better mother too. So thanks Matt!

There's probably more. I could add to the list as the days go by, and in fact, I just might. Remember, these are things I'm GRATEFUL for.... I'm not listing my accomplishments as I have done in the past. I'm really truly grateful for these things. To repeat, this is a list of things that I would not have discovered or experienced had Matt not left me.
So, anyone out there going thru a tough or difficult time? This is a great exercise. I've never done it before and it was really liberating and helpful. I knew there were things I had learned that I could not have learned any other way, but I guess I never listed them before.
This Thanksgiving, I challenge you to do the same. If there is not a tragedy or some deep sadness you are experiencing your life, then maybe just jot down a few things you're grateful for in your life. You are reading this aren't you? So there's one: You can read! :) You are breathing at this moment! :) You're alive!
Enjoy your Thanksgiving everyone. This year will be very different for me, but I know I will certainly do my best to make the most of my day.
See you soon!



What a remarkable way to look for the miracles in one's life.
I did just that today. I have written down all the things I can think of that I'm grateful for in my life that are a direct result of what happened the past several months—things that I could not have learned, done, received or heard—without this event happening in my life. Here goes.
Things that I'm grateful for as a direct result of my separation (in no particular order):
- I'm finding myself again
- I like myself again
- I'm thin again
- I pay attention to my looks again
- I can wear a lot of cute clothes now
- I'm not dressing like a mom anymore
- I bought myself a new drill and several other power / handy 'woman' tools
- I've done a lot of things around the house that my husband would have done in the past
- I appreciate all that Matt did around our home. I used to take that for granted
- I have friends that I can lean on for handyman help if I can't do a particular task
- I am less stressed out
- I can handle single parenting
- I trust my husband even more regarding taking care of our son
- My husband and I communicate / argue a bit better now
- I'm much more respectful to him these days
- I have made a couple new really, really good friends: Audrey for one, Andy for another and have gotten closer to a few of my other friends
- Being married doesn't define me anymore
- I see how amazing my friends have been, especially my long time girlfriends like Debbie, Pamela and Anne
- My sister and I are closer
- My dad has been a big source of love and comfort and support for me
- I've come to really know and respect Dotti, my dad's sweetheart. She's really a smart gal
- I've learned how to put my problems in their true perspective
- I'm much more vulnerable
- I'm much more humble
- I've allowed myself to cry on people's shoulders (I would never have been vulnerable enough to do this before)
- I understand first hand now about depression
- I am not judgmental anymore about medication
- I have some really cute new jeans!
- I can wear jeg's (these are mine)
- I'm less of a spend thrift than before
- I value my marriage more than ever
- I value marriage vows more than ever
- I see the positive values of belonging to a church
- I'm making my house a home
- I can actually get my son ready for "school" (daycare) and get him there w/o stressing out and feeling sorry for myself!
- I am much, much more peaceful than I've ever been
- I am not fighting life anymore; I am accepting things whether I like them or not
- I trust God more than ever
- I work out now
- I eat much better now than before
- I am able to set limits
- I feel a lot stronger than I have in a long long time
- I know what I want
- I feel confident
- I am now aware of some of my defects; especially ones that hindered growth and love in my marriage
- I am taking actions to change the parts about myself that hinder my relationship with God and others
- I'm "growing up" and feeling more mature
- I am not angry with my husband for much
- I see the gift in forgiveness; I can truly being forgiving now and let go of the hurt
- I know when to hire help for things I cannot get done, and I don't feel bad for that
- I take out the trash, recyclables, and clean the litter box daily or twice daily
- I respect the value of a dollar more today than ever
- I appreciate all the hard work Matt did to bring in income to our home. I used to take that for granted and expect more
- I am able to be more intimate with my husband
- I learned some great communication tools from Michele Weiner Davis
- My counselor / coach Joanne Sellman and the great things she's taught me
- I found some of the "old me" again....
- I feel more independent and self-supporting than ever
- I appreciate my life, my home, my job, my friends more than ever
- I appreciate my past with Matt more than ever before
- I see Matt as one of God's kids and not a meanie out to make my life miserable
- I see Matt as someone who's hurting, who is a mother's son, and not someone out to make my life difficult
- I know what I can bring to the table now
- I value myself more than ever
- Matt appreciates me more than before
- Matt does not blame me anymore; realizes that his unhappiness is on him and not me (at least that's what he said two or three weeks ago) :)
- Oliver can be proud of how I handled a difficult situation
- I don't "need" Matt anymore
- I have some experience, strength and hope to share with women who are going thru something similar to this
- my daily readers: they mean so much more to me now than ever
- Jesus Calling .... I would not have been given this valuable book had I not been going thru this
- The connection I found with the women at the retreat I went to who had gone thru similar situations
- I feel attractive
- I realize the value of being physically intimate with one's spouse
- My home is more organized; there are fewer and fewer piles
- The basement and garage are slowly getting cleaned out
- There are less and less clothes sitting around; they've been donated
- I found a cheaper cat food and cat litter to use that are just as good as the expensive stuff (now that I have to pay for it all myself!) :P
- I've been able to mow the lawn and rake the leaves. (Next stop: shoveling the snow!)
- Those incredible and intense ever-lasting hugs I get from Oliver when he bullets toward me as his daddy drops him off
- Those incredible tender moments he and I have shared when I am crying, and he notices: You crying momma? He then would put his head into my lap and say, I miss daddy too.
- Those moments when I get to console him while he's crying... usually about 30 minutes or an hour after his daddy drops him off. I gather him up into my arms and ask, You miss daddy Oliver? He nods, sniffling. I know, I miss him too. He loves you Oliver. Daddy loves you. And he cries in my arms while I get to hold him and rock him and kiss him gently, breathing life back into him until he springs up and says, "Play with me Momma!" with a big smile on his face. :)
And.... I'm grateful to Matt for helping me become a better person for this! Someday I will make some man a very good wife. And I know already I'm a better mother too. So thanks Matt!
There's probably more. I could add to the list as the days go by, and in fact, I just might. Remember, these are things I'm GRATEFUL for.... I'm not listing my accomplishments as I have done in the past. I'm really truly grateful for these things. To repeat, this is a list of things that I would not have discovered or experienced had Matt not left me.
So, anyone out there going thru a tough or difficult time? This is a great exercise. I've never done it before and it was really liberating and helpful. I knew there were things I had learned that I could not have learned any other way, but I guess I never listed them before.
This Thanksgiving, I challenge you to do the same. If there is not a tragedy or some deep sadness you are experiencing your life, then maybe just jot down a few things you're grateful for in your life. You are reading this aren't you? So there's one: You can read! :) You are breathing at this moment! :) You're alive!
Enjoy your Thanksgiving everyone. This year will be very different for me, but I know I will certainly do my best to make the most of my day.
See you soon!
Andrea-- I just wanted to thank you for visiting my blog and posting such thoughtful comments. Sadly, in addition to losing my sweet daughter and my mother 8 years ago, I too, endured the end of a marriage. I was married to my ex-husband for 6 years, with the marriage unraveling for the final three-- but in the middle there, my mother was diagnosed with and then died of cancer. Those types of things tend to force intimacy on people that might not have been there otherwise, which is what happened in our case, and we stayed together two years longer than we should have. That was the first period in my life where I cried almost every day-- I had hoped it would be the last, but I was so wrong. I've never written about this on my blog because my ex-husband and I are still friends and he reads there. Even though I've now endured what is, to me, the worst heartbreak imaginable, I'm still grateful for the experience I had with my first husband, because without it, I would never have known what I was really looking for in a life partner and I would never have been able to appreciate my sweet husband the way I can now. And I am indeed a much better person and wife for what I went through when my first marriage ended.
ReplyDeleteAs for your suggestion for a gratitude list, well, that is pretty much what "One Good Thing" is all about-- finding the good things that come out of the bad. I have to say that although I can recognize the good things that may have happened since Hudson died, things that would never have happened if she hadn't, I'm not at a point yet where I am really grateful for those things, because I would trade every single one of them back in a heartbeat to get my daughter back. But I have had a plan for several days now to do a "30 Days of Thanks" between tomorrow and Christmas Day, just to ponder on everyday things I am grateful for, because I have found that gratitude has incredibly healing powers.
I hope that your future holds all the wonders mine brought after the end of my first marriage. For me, it was well worth the awful pain.