Heaven's Colors

Looking back you will see that every step was planned. Leave all to Me. Each stone in the mosaic fits into the perfect pattern, designed by the Master Artist.
It is all so wonderful!
But the colors are of Heaven's hues, so that your eyes would not bear to gaze on the whole, until you are beyond the veil.
So, stone by stone, you see, and trust the pattern to the Designer.
~God Calling, November 11

How true, how true. Six months ago I could not have understood what I know to be true today. God's perfect plan laid out. I was asked to trust. I could not. I was afraid to trust. Now I know that no matter what I'm going to be OK. That God will take care of me, my son, and even my husband.

I walk gently, paced slowly. Step by step, I'm growing into me—who I am supposed to be. I can't make Matt love me, I can't make him want me. I trust that God will help him find his way too, just as I am finding my own. I will have all that I want some day. I have so much already. I miss Matt, but I'll survive without him. So will Oliver. I know someday I will feel the love that I yearn for, long for. I know it will come to me. Today I know it more than ever. Every step is planned and the Master Artist will put into place the stones that build the home I am to live in.

I am letting go. I have let go. If Matt does not come back it will be a terrible loss, but I will go on. I've been hurt incredibly, and now I get to decide what I will accept and what I will not. I am working toward complete forgiveness, not for Matt's sake but for my own sanity. I don't like what he did this summer. Good for him for having some fun. Sad for me, but I don't need to feel sorry for myself. I just need to decide whether or not I want to take another chance again. It's mine to decide. It could be I don't have a choice. Yet if I do get to choose, I will need to know what I'm OK to live with. I know that I never want to go thru what I went thru this summer and early fall ever, ever again.

Beautiful by Nanci Griffith

You and my mother
Walking hand in hand

And she was beautiful
And you played the piano
You were beautiful upon the keys
The world was beautiful
When the two of you were dancing
Beautiful, to me