The Day After
Yesterday ended badly, worse than when I wrote my last post.
The mistake I made yesterday was spending time alone. I should have known better. My heart got very heavy and the pain creeped back into place and took over. After Oliver came back, the pain was too much. I went to the hardware store for bread again as I sought relief from Matt and found none. In fact, I felt even worse. Needless to say, my heart is completely devastated again. I am completely broken, my body limp in pain, my mind unable to focus or think about anything else.
I just want this pain to go away. Nothing really matters. Nothing. There is so little hope.
I cannot tell you how painful this is. I know so many people have it worse. I know it's only separation. I know that there's still a very very slim, small chance (and trust me, I'm hanging on to it for life).... but I can barely swallow. I could not eat all day yesterday. I can barely focus on Oliver. I cannot find a single thing to make me feel better. I hope it comes. I hope relief comes. I just need to make it thru this moment.