The Day After

Yesterday ended badly, worse than when I wrote my last post.

The mistake I made yesterday was spending time alone. I should have known better. My heart got very heavy and the pain creeped back into place and took over. After Oliver came back, the pain was too much. I went to the hardware store for bread again as I sought relief from Matt and found none. In fact, I felt even worse. Needless to say, my heart is completely devastated again. I am completely broken, my body limp in pain, my mind unable to focus or think about anything else.

I just want this pain to go away. Nothing really matters. Nothing. There is so little hope.

I cannot tell you how painful this is. I know so many people have it worse. I know it's only separation. I know that there's still a very very slim, small chance (and trust me, I'm hanging on to it for life).... but I can barely swallow. I could not eat all day yesterday. I can barely focus on Oliver. I cannot find a single thing to make me feel better. I hope it comes. I hope relief comes. I just need to make it thru this moment.


  1. Andrea,

    I am just a stranger coming across your blog. Look, of course there are people who have it worse than you, but nevertheless, a separation can feel like a small death. It is incredibly painful and sometimes it feels all hopeless.

    You will get through that moment though, you will!

    I went through a horrific breakup in 2003. My heart was so broken, I had lost everything. Life seemed dark and bleak, I thought I would never love again.

    One year later, I met the man who is now my husband.

    Keep your head up high, you have that awesome little boy and you are a beautiful woman. Your life will become normal again. Time is on your side.

    Take care.

  2. Thank you for your message. I feel like this is never going to end. The road ahead is long. The truth is harsh and painful. I don't know how folks get thru this stuff. It's hard to swallow. Rejection is hard to face. The loss of my marriage is the hardest thing. It really is harder than facing the loss of someone to death. I cannot explain it. But you know it seems. I'm scared I wont make it thru this. Thanks for your uplifting message.

    Andrea (Raising Peanut)


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