The Best Thing I Can Do....

S p  a  c  e .

Matt and I both need some time to change and absorb. Matt in particular needs to figure it all out for himself, and he needs that freedom and space to do so. If I do anything at all for this relationship, I have to do us both a favor and let him work through whatever it is he needs to work through. That gives me time to work on my character flaws and on becoming the woman I've always wanted to be. My dear blog readers, my friends and my family are all walking with me. I am not alone... You will help carry me ...  I just have to keep on doing the next right thing, and I will be OK.

R i g h t ?

Between Matt being bitter and angry and myself thinking I caused a lot of grief in the marriage, I've been in a place lately where I've been feeling badly. God seems to have vanished these past few days. My hope has been compromised. But God's timing is perfect, and sometimes I need to learn brutal lessons about myself and how I was in order to move to the next level. I am confessing to you now, these last 4 months, amidst the ups and downs, I have hit my bottom. I am humbled and raw. I will either succeed or fail miserably. I hope to succeed. Other people get through this and become changed souls, so can I.

R i g h t ?

I'm confessing to you now, I'm in a lot of fear. One more time, please keep me in your prayers the next few days. They do seem to help. I want to get out of my funk. In just a short hour or so, I will pick up my son from daycare and put on my mommy hat, my smile and push my pain to the side. (It doesn't like to stay there. It likes to join me a lot!) I am not sure what I have in store for the evening. Maybe Oliver and I will go out for a little Mommy - Oliver date and have dinner. I know later this evening I'll be walking with Oliver to a friend's house and going for a walk with her. That will be nice and help me to get out of my head too. And tomorrow night I am having dinner and a movie with another friend who is also recently separated from her husband. Neither of us wants to be in the situation we are in, therefor we are good company for each other. I have to pick myself up this weekend, and I have to remember:

Don't go to the hardware store for bread!

Have a lovely weekend my friends. Hopefully I'll be back soon with more upbeat posts and with some fun Oliver pix!

{This post brought to you courtesy of a friend of mine who was able to tell me some of the things I wrote here and help pick me up off the floor today.}