Today I Ask for Support

Hi friends.... The rain falls down quite hard as I type this. I'm about to head out the door, home to an empty house since Oliver is with Matt tonight. I miss my son a lot right now since I didn't see much of him this weekend. I did have a great weekend in Door County with the girls. (Photos to follow.) Things are difficult for me, and so they carried me the whole weekend. My body was with them, but at times my head wandered back to my problems. Why? Because....

Friday Matt told me that the more time he spends with me, the less he wants our marriage. This hurt like crazy, and yet, I think I knew that would be the case. It was a fear I had. This powerful statement is my new reality.

Then he told me that he appreciates all the changes I've made and hasn't given up on us yet. And this is my hopefulness; it gives me the strength to hold on to my dreams.

Push pull push pull. This is how it's been since end of June.

I haven't talked much about the changes I've made or why we split up here. I know you guys don't know why this split happened. We are not even sure why. There are things that we both did that were hurtful to one another. Yet, in the past 2 1/2 months I've taken a good hard look at myself to see what needed to be changed. I did my best to make some of those changes, little by little, one by one. I know they have added up. It does me no good to point all the blame at him, just as it does me no good to think I am the only one at fault here.

But things are not good between us right now. And he is not coming home this September. And maybe never. I don't know. I can't imagine it right now, since it feels like I've tried everything. Or at least many things.

So I ask you to keep me in your prayers. Yes, pray for Oliver, pray for Matt. But today I ask for myself because I really need to muster up the strength to focus on myself, my son and my job.

Thanks everyone!