Ups & Downs

Hello again. I hope some day I'll be back to my old self and write an upbeat post for you all. I have been taking a few pix for the blog, but haven't gotten around to putting them up here. I did finally get my new computer (yay) but my days are filled with normal life stuff: work, eat, give Oz a bath, get him to eat, brush his teeth, play, take off shoes, put on shoes... you know, stuff like that.

This morning was not easy. I had to face a challenge, and I did not perform well. It did not go as planned. I need some prayers today, just so that I can get back on the track I was on yesterday. I have a big project on my plate today at work, and I need to focus, although this is where my challenge is. This is where I have to learn to grow up, even though all I want to do is force solutions, plead my case, crawl in bed or worse. It's not fun to deal with life on life's terms. I can see why teachings of Buddha tell one to release. If I could release my grip on this situation and just accept it and let go, (who cares, right?) maybe I wouldn't hurt so much. It's those expectations and dreams of how I think life should be that are telling me to hold on to all that I believe in.

I read this amazing essay that Nate Berkus wrote some time after the tragedy he experienced. He lost his boyfriend to the Sri Lanka tsunami and wrote about how he got through that terrible time in his life. It was inspiring to me. He writes: I would not be here without the love of other people and the support they gave me. I remember being shocked at their ability to care. I know that each letter I received made me a tiny bit stronger. I have experienced the same.

You guys are carrying me, especially now when I cannot seem to hold my own self up. You're walking beside me through these lows and cheering me on during the highs. All of Monday I felt great. This morning so far was not good. I hope the day gets better, and I will accept any and all prayers for help. Thank you to those who commented, thank you to my friends who give me hugs and hold me while I cry on their shoulders, to those who send me encouraging emails, and to those who take my calls (and desperate emails), probably about 5 or more a day some days!

I pray that today I can get back on track. I have too much to lose if I don't.


I know what it is to exist off of the energy of others, to really need help and to take it. Nate Berkus