Someone to watch over me

or rather, someone to watch over Oliver....

I visited two day care centers in the last two days and a wave of emotion swept over me! I can't imagine leaving Oliver with someone else. I felt so much guilt when I toured the first place, thinking that for 40 hours a week, someone else would be raising my son! OMG..... I know the day I first drop him off will be one of the toughest days of my life. I'll be sure to not wear any mascara that day!

The second day care center made me feel much better afterwards however. The ladies were so nice at both facilities, but the second one felt like a much better fit for our family; oliver especially. In fact, I almost felt that the women there might even be better at it than me, but that's only because I've plopped him in front of the "matt mobile" twice now and I feel some guilt over that too. :P

Another friend of mine said that her daughter now has friends at the day care center and has a lot of fun there.... that she plays and creates and interacts with others. Her daughter attends the center I saw today. That made me feel much better since I do want Oliver to have friends and interact with others. If I stayed with him I know the matt mobile would be his best friend. Well, I'm really just kidding, but I think I would be very unhappy right now in my life to give up working. Plus, it's just not possible any how for us.

The sunlight that filtered into the rooms and the peacefulness of the staff and children took away my fears and filled me with a calm resolve that he'll be OK, even when Mommy is not right next to him.

I know this whole mommy business will be a life long process of letting go, something that I'm not too good at. Pretty much anything that I've let go of has claw marks in it. :P And I'm not kidding.