Back to work soon

Oh my god, I'm excited and dreading it at the same time. I need to work, that's for sure. Not just for the money (which we need, along with the bennies) but for my soul and my spirit. I love my job, and I really like what I do. If I'm going to be honest to the point that many a mother would possibly scowl at me, I am not as "fulfilled" in my heart by being at home with Oliver full-time, altho I love being with him. It's difficult to explain the duality in my heart. I wish I could do both for the same amount of time. Even tho work is only 40 (or so) hours a week, it seems like I will only have breadcrumbs with Oliver, and perhaps that is really what I will have.

So, on the other hand, I am fearful of leaving my little guy. It's going to be difficult to trust someone else to take care of him the same way I do, and in a weird way, I want to be that person to spend all day with him. I want to have the time to hang with him, rock him and feed him. I can't imagine how hard it will be to let someone else feed that little guy and look into those big blue eyes as he sucks down his milk. :) My stomach hurts just thinking about it. It seems too personal and intimate to let someone else do that!

It's just not possible however to do both. Unless I could work one week, and then spend the second week with Oliver. Ha.... but the business world just does not operate like that.

At this point, I am scheduled to go back to work full time on June 11th. That seems like tomorrow!

Ok, I can relax. I just looked at a calendar. It's 3.5 weeks away yet. That's a whole month.

I'm going to chat with my boss this afternoon about this, because 3.5 weeks is a lot of time off yet and maybe I could ease back into work.... we'll see. I'll keep you posted. (blog pun, ha ha.)

See how mixed up I am about all this!?