a quiet night before baby comes....

i'm actually not talking much tonight which is very different for me. i think i'm just wanting to be quiet and alone with just my husband. it's a very surreal feeling. it's almost like a part of me is dying.

i still have some fear about the labor and delivery part of this.

i can't tell you how many bad things i've heard about it. and then, when i do hear a glimmer of hope, it gets quickly smashed.

here's one i heard today: "Oh those drugs are going to make you happy." and i say, Really? all hopeful and excited, like a puppy who's about to get a treat! and then that person responds, oh i don't know. i'm just guessing...

and then i had a friend who said in an email, "people are exaggerating about how little sleep you're going to get. and i'm all like, really? that's good to hear and very comforting. in fact, it's that the best thing i've heard so far! then she writes back and says, oh, i meant people are not exaggerating how little sleep you're going to get.

here's another: Oh you'll love the epidural! Really? Yeah, because you're going to be in so much pain beforehand that you will be more than willing to endure that huge giant needle and tube inserted in your back. did you know that it could possibly leave you disabled if doctor is just a slight millimeter off? and they even make your husband leave the room for it!

or: if it were that bad, people would not have a second child. but remember, they don't call it labor for nothing.

the epidural is your friend. even if it does hurt more than you can imagine.

i mean there have been countless words of advice and words of comfort, all said with the best of intentions, but none really have left out pain and suffering part of it. most try to tell me about the gift in the end (the baby!) and unfortunately i'm not a spiritual giant yet, so i ... tonight... cannot get past what i am going to have to go thru.

by the way, do you know how many women have had 30+ hours of labor? more than i care to mention.

it's actually kind of funny.

so i know today that when i'm in this much fear, there's no room for hope. that's what tomorrow is for.... to get my mind and body to relax and get ready.

ok, i'm heading to bed. i'll try not to think about this too much.


  1. Lordy! did people at work say this stuff yesterday?! Bless you for having to endure some of those comments.

    I'm sure this is soooo hard because I would be scared exactly as you are, but try to be like a doggy and 'stay in the moment' (they are so good at that, us humans not so much!). Try not to focus too far ahead allowing yourself to get too scared. Yeah, I know, easier said than done!

    Sending comforting vibes your way ...

    Lots of love


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