Letting go of expectations of others

I had a great chat with my girlfriend Deb just now on the ride home from work. (Deb's the mom of those two beautiful girls I wrote about a few days back). She made me laugh hysterically, calmed my raging hormones and just generally speaking was being the type of girl friend every woman needs at a time like this.

I think I have learned during this life-changing process that people are human and many of the expectations that I have of others are either going to surpass or greatly fall short. That is to say, even though I'm optimistic and very grateful, there have been times along this particular journey when I have been severely disappointed in others. I have also had some of the greatest gifts given to me by both men and women that have been greater than anything that I could have imagined. I guess you could say it's been a roller coaster of extreme highs and lows with an added loop-de-loop of hormones thrown in for good measure.

Some people have said the most hurtful things to me, some have not followed through on their promises, some have been careless about how they've said things to me, some have judged, some have been brutally honest at pointing out my flaws and some have dropped off the face of the earth; people can be careless, hurtful and outright condescending. These things sometimes come from the people I'm closest to, and some days unfortunately I do let them get to me. Today, I received a message from someone I shared something with, someone who I was trying to be inclusive with, and maybe because of what is going on with me emotionally and physically, what she said stung like a bee. And I'm not saying she was wrong in what she said. Perhaps she was right on. However, I felt I got blind-sided and wow... today that happened to hurt.

Most interactions with others are not like this for me. And you know what, even if people are disappointing, I rarely let that get me down or hurt me. That is because I have other things to think about. Like my friend Deb said, I need all the energy I can get right now to get this little guy out of me so that in 18 years I can get him out again. Now that cheered me up. That made me laugh. That is what a girl friend is for ladies and gentlemen. She brings humor to a situation, takes your side whether your side is right or wrong, lifts you up, removes the pain, redirects your thinking so that as far as anything else is concerned you can go on and eat a decent dinner and enjoy the rest of your evening watching the results of this week's American Idol. That is a true friend people.

Now for the good part. I swear, depending on what I choose to focus on which is usually the positive (or the ironic) ... Most people have been unbelievably loving, caring, supportive, amazing and beautiful. I have never experienced this before. Never. Not even when I got married which is another life-changing event. I have become closer friends with some woman during this time, and I even have some new friends. I have women at work coming by to check on me daily. I have one special woman at work who has become like a "big" sister to me. She, in fact, is what I think of as a sister. (And my blood sisters are like this too)... I have received so many thoughtful little treasures that she's shared with me from books, to her maternity clothes, to little ginger mints, pregnancy tea, daily hello's and how are ya's and big big smiles. It's blown me away. She even got the gals together at work to bring me a beautiful gorgeous bouquet of fleurs after I was sick for a week. And there are so many women at work that have just been amazing. Well, all of them have. I'm carried and supported. They have no idea (or maybe they do) of what that does for another woman. It's so very powerful.

There have been dad's that come and check on me. Even some of the younger single guys have been super cool. It's a treasured event.

My long-time girl friends, Ann, Deb and Pamela, acted quickly last week (as due date was approaching) and within a week (and they all live in different cities) sent Deb a meaningful charm to put on a beautiful charm bracelet that Deb found for me. Deb gave it to me last Saturday. I'll take a photo soon. She called it a birthing bracelet, filled with love and strength from my gals. It's beautiful too! I get to wear it when giving birth.

I had another friend, Clara, who came over a few Saturday's ago and just completely cleaned and organized my entire house. I mean everything got cleaned! And little Peanut's closet was filled with piles of junk that she helped me get thru. Now the closet is light and airy and beautiful. My home is still nice thanks to her. I mean, she just came in, shook the dust out of the corners of the house, let the sun shine in, and then put it all back together so it could be a home again. I had been too tired to do that myself.

And other friends.... people signing up to bring me meals. People already bringing me cookies and food. People saying I love you often. People who are not judging me at all. How does that happen in today's world? How is it there are so few few few who judge? I'm amazed! There are so many who love. There are so many who are celebratory. The negative people, the ones who sadly disappoint at times, are so few. I mean it really seems that way. It's just that unfortunately for me, I sometimes have those expectations. It's not them really. It's me. So the key to freedom then is to let go of those expectations, focus on the positive, get some fresh air, eat right and take care of myself so I can get this little guy outta me.

Like Deb said... all so that I can get him out again when he's 18.